You people have stood in my way long enough.

"Still a load of pissants, I see."

The creeping intrusion of consent-optional shit in tech is fucking creepy, if nothing else

At one point my phone, in my pocket, piped up to complain at me that what I'd just said was not a valid question and that it couldn't answer it as a result

I was not using an app, it just decided to spy

What they actually mean is "don't be a troublemaker"

For the low price of just 10 bucks I'll sell you a carefully curated collection of exactly 16,777,216 colours.

no mr blobby isn't a cryptid because the horror of mr blobby is that we KNOW he exists. he is a constant threat

Well, it *would* be on brand.