I can only imagine you on a night time flight, with half the plane asleep.

We all thought that when we came out, we would find a refuge from homophobia and a supportive community to enter into, but for many that community has yet to appear. So we keep searching, or give up trying, and in so doing, find life’s journey to be a solo one.

Loneliness is a rejection of so much of the nasty, shady behavior we sometimes subject each other to, the “no fats, no fems, no oldheads” judgments that cause people to feel excluded before they are given a chance to be known. That mindset seems prevalent in the popular social spaces I mentioned.

The loneliness really comes from not feeling seen as our whole selves in a community where we long for understanding and acceptance. So many of us didn’t feel accepted by the larger straight dominated society. We don’t want to have to hide ourselves amongst our own kind.

Even in the big cities, we don’t all like the social spaces commonly available. Not everybody likes bars and clubs! So many of us yearn for more diverse spaces, where we can be seen as we are, without the need to dress up and “perform gay” just to get attention.

Popular media would have you believe we all live in big cities, with exciting social options and places and ways to meet. A “fabulous” lifestyle. Gay men live everywhere, small towns, rural areas, suburbia, in every state in the country, but social outlets don’t exist everywhere.