Matt
@coolnessinc.bsky.social
He/Him. I live in Indiana, but not like that. I like books and coffee. I’m a cat person, but I’ll still pet your dog.
Don’t look: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:modcracogimat5hfyc325zsg/feed/aaanunf43yybk
Don’t look: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:modcracogimat5hfyc325zsg/feed/aaanunf43yybk
Pinned
Ran into someone from work and confidently called them by the wrong name.
If you need me, I’ll be living in the ocean.
If you need me, I’ll be living in the ocean.
Reposted by Matt
Reposted by Matt
add some holiday spice to your date and tie them to the top of your car like a christmas tree
November 28, 2025 at 5:16 PM
add some holiday spice to your date and tie them to the top of your car like a christmas tree
Reposted by Matt
you're acting up? right before santa clause comes to town? unbelievable
November 28, 2025 at 6:35 PM
you're acting up? right before santa clause comes to town? unbelievable
Reposted by Matt
cats wake you up just to show off how they'd sleep in
November 28, 2025 at 11:56 AM
cats wake you up just to show off how they'd sleep in
Reposted by Matt
After giving much thanks, my dad and I discussed which pain pill is superior after surgical procedures.
November 28, 2025 at 5:29 AM
After giving much thanks, my dad and I discussed which pain pill is superior after surgical procedures.
Reposted by Matt
Wake me up when solitaire is a team sport, sport.
November 28, 2025 at 3:16 AM
Wake me up when solitaire is a team sport, sport.
Reposted by Matt
I dropped it liked it was hot. Too lazy to pick it up, so it’s just gonna stay there.
November 27, 2025 at 11:42 PM
I dropped it liked it was hot. Too lazy to pick it up, so it’s just gonna stay there.
Reposted by Matt
the deviled egg girls: thread
November 28, 2025 at 12:05 AM
the deviled egg girls: thread
Reposted by Matt
it’s giving thanks
November 27, 2025 at 3:06 PM
it’s giving thanks
Reposted by Matt
No matter how full I am, there’s always room for one more deviled egg.
November 27, 2025 at 10:19 PM
No matter how full I am, there’s always room for one more deviled egg.
Reposted by Matt
I feel a fake migraine coming on
November 27, 2025 at 6:18 PM
I feel a fake migraine coming on
Reposted by Matt
Cutting the canned cranberry jelly into perfect slices has been my biggest accomplishment so far this year.
November 27, 2025 at 5:09 PM
Cutting the canned cranberry jelly into perfect slices has been my biggest accomplishment so far this year.
Reposted by Matt
my body is a vessel for various dips
November 27, 2025 at 5:19 PM
my body is a vessel for various dips
Reposted by Matt
gobble gobble mfers
November 27, 2025 at 3:43 PM
gobble gobble mfers
Reposted by Matt
(watching the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade)
Wow. These commercials are super depressing. I love it.
Wow. These commercials are super depressing. I love it.
November 27, 2025 at 3:19 PM
(watching the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade)
Wow. These commercials are super depressing. I love it.
Wow. These commercials are super depressing. I love it.
First time host advice:
The goal is for your friends and family to have a good time. If they did, you did it right.
It doesn’t feel good to botch it, but common mistakes make funny stories as soon as you let them.
Godspeed, friend. I know you’ll knock it out of the park.
The goal is for your friends and family to have a good time. If they did, you did it right.
It doesn’t feel good to botch it, but common mistakes make funny stories as soon as you let them.
Godspeed, friend. I know you’ll knock it out of the park.
November 27, 2025 at 3:13 PM
First time host advice:
The goal is for your friends and family to have a good time. If they did, you did it right.
It doesn’t feel good to botch it, but common mistakes make funny stories as soon as you let them.
Godspeed, friend. I know you’ll knock it out of the park.
The goal is for your friends and family to have a good time. If they did, you did it right.
It doesn’t feel good to botch it, but common mistakes make funny stories as soon as you let them.
Godspeed, friend. I know you’ll knock it out of the park.
First time host advice:
It’s fine to enlist family members to assist with the cleanup. Guests will often ask if they can help, you don’t have to turn them down to be polite.
Doing dishes is more fun when you can talk shit while you do it.
It’s fine to enlist family members to assist with the cleanup. Guests will often ask if they can help, you don’t have to turn them down to be polite.
Doing dishes is more fun when you can talk shit while you do it.
November 27, 2025 at 3:06 PM
First time host advice:
It’s fine to enlist family members to assist with the cleanup. Guests will often ask if they can help, you don’t have to turn them down to be polite.
Doing dishes is more fun when you can talk shit while you do it.
It’s fine to enlist family members to assist with the cleanup. Guests will often ask if they can help, you don’t have to turn them down to be polite.
Doing dishes is more fun when you can talk shit while you do it.
First time host advice:
Put something snacky (crackers, chips, funyons, whatever) in some bowls and set them out.
It is improbable that you’ll nail mealtime exactly and Aunt Bethany needs something to pick at.
Put something snacky (crackers, chips, funyons, whatever) in some bowls and set them out.
It is improbable that you’ll nail mealtime exactly and Aunt Bethany needs something to pick at.
November 27, 2025 at 3:02 PM
First time host advice:
Put something snacky (crackers, chips, funyons, whatever) in some bowls and set them out.
It is improbable that you’ll nail mealtime exactly and Aunt Bethany needs something to pick at.
Put something snacky (crackers, chips, funyons, whatever) in some bowls and set them out.
It is improbable that you’ll nail mealtime exactly and Aunt Bethany needs something to pick at.
First time host advice:
Wait for the sputter/bubbles in your roux to settle before adding flour.
Cook that roux for at least a minute. It will start to be nice and golden. An undercooked roux is where gritty gravy comes from.
Add the liquid in slow pulse, whisk until smooth each time.
Wait for the sputter/bubbles in your roux to settle before adding flour.
Cook that roux for at least a minute. It will start to be nice and golden. An undercooked roux is where gritty gravy comes from.
Add the liquid in slow pulse, whisk until smooth each time.
November 27, 2025 at 2:59 PM
First time host advice:
Wait for the sputter/bubbles in your roux to settle before adding flour.
Cook that roux for at least a minute. It will start to be nice and golden. An undercooked roux is where gritty gravy comes from.
Add the liquid in slow pulse, whisk until smooth each time.
Wait for the sputter/bubbles in your roux to settle before adding flour.
Cook that roux for at least a minute. It will start to be nice and golden. An undercooked roux is where gritty gravy comes from.
Add the liquid in slow pulse, whisk until smooth each time.
Reposted by Matt
however you celebrate this year remember: do not drop your phone in the toilet
November 27, 2025 at 2:31 PM
however you celebrate this year remember: do not drop your phone in the toilet
First time host advice:
You don’t have to make every traditional Thanksgiving item under the sun.
A protein, a starch, and a green is plenty sufficient. If you can handle more, make more. If you can handle less, ask guests to bring stuff they love.
You don’t have to make every traditional Thanksgiving item under the sun.
A protein, a starch, and a green is plenty sufficient. If you can handle more, make more. If you can handle less, ask guests to bring stuff they love.
November 27, 2025 at 2:46 PM
First time host advice:
You don’t have to make every traditional Thanksgiving item under the sun.
A protein, a starch, and a green is plenty sufficient. If you can handle more, make more. If you can handle less, ask guests to bring stuff they love.
You don’t have to make every traditional Thanksgiving item under the sun.
A protein, a starch, and a green is plenty sufficient. If you can handle more, make more. If you can handle less, ask guests to bring stuff they love.
Advice for first time hosts:
Every cooking personality will tell you that anything other than homemade stock is a sin. This is bullshit.
Better than bullion good enough for your gravy and jarred gravy is good enough if that’s what you can handle. Homemade is great, but not at your expense.
Every cooking personality will tell you that anything other than homemade stock is a sin. This is bullshit.
Better than bullion good enough for your gravy and jarred gravy is good enough if that’s what you can handle. Homemade is great, but not at your expense.
November 27, 2025 at 2:43 PM
Advice for first time hosts:
Every cooking personality will tell you that anything other than homemade stock is a sin. This is bullshit.
Better than bullion good enough for your gravy and jarred gravy is good enough if that’s what you can handle. Homemade is great, but not at your expense.
Every cooking personality will tell you that anything other than homemade stock is a sin. This is bullshit.
Better than bullion good enough for your gravy and jarred gravy is good enough if that’s what you can handle. Homemade is great, but not at your expense.
Advice for first time hosts:
I cannot stress this enough. You’d rather have mashed potatoes that are slightly on the salty side over unseasoned potatoes.
No one reaches fruition with an unseasoned potato. Taste, add, mix, repeat as needed.
I cannot stress this enough. You’d rather have mashed potatoes that are slightly on the salty side over unseasoned potatoes.
No one reaches fruition with an unseasoned potato. Taste, add, mix, repeat as needed.
November 27, 2025 at 2:40 PM
Advice for first time hosts:
I cannot stress this enough. You’d rather have mashed potatoes that are slightly on the salty side over unseasoned potatoes.
No one reaches fruition with an unseasoned potato. Taste, add, mix, repeat as needed.
I cannot stress this enough. You’d rather have mashed potatoes that are slightly on the salty side over unseasoned potatoes.
No one reaches fruition with an unseasoned potato. Taste, add, mix, repeat as needed.
Advice for first time hosts:
Everyone wants the big reveal, but carving at the table is unnecessary.
Take your bird out of the oven when it’s done, parade it around, make a joke about taking it back to rest, then break it down in the kitchen and serve it as parts to the table.
Everyone wants the big reveal, but carving at the table is unnecessary.
Take your bird out of the oven when it’s done, parade it around, make a joke about taking it back to rest, then break it down in the kitchen and serve it as parts to the table.
November 27, 2025 at 2:38 PM
Advice for first time hosts:
Everyone wants the big reveal, but carving at the table is unnecessary.
Take your bird out of the oven when it’s done, parade it around, make a joke about taking it back to rest, then break it down in the kitchen and serve it as parts to the table.
Everyone wants the big reveal, but carving at the table is unnecessary.
Take your bird out of the oven when it’s done, parade it around, make a joke about taking it back to rest, then break it down in the kitchen and serve it as parts to the table.