I had a ticket to see the Steve Coogan Dr Strangelove at my local Vue: it started to play without any sound, and the (very nice) assistant manager explained that the nearest projectionist was in another town so all they could do was give us our money back.

At point you’ve physically regenerated your estate to put big lovely seating in, why do you think “but at times, the audience will be unable to see what’s on screen properly?” is not a problem?

Secondly, where are all these public toilets everyone is talking about?

The Tories spent the last 15 years closing every public toilet in the country.

We're three layers deep in hypothetical bollocks here.