Autumn Out of Character
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autumnooc.bsky.social
Autumn Out of Character
@autumnooc.bsky.social
14 followers 14 following 80 posts
Out of Character account

Altruistic, agnostic Wiccan who's kind, not nice

Day-to-day stuff and stuff that doesnt fit the vibe I want my content to have goes here

main -> @theautumndryad.bsky.social
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autumnooc.bsky.social
repost. don't cause drama if you know who these people are

cw: imposter syndrome, drama, depression
I've had to claw my way to where I am on twitch, grinding, fighting , planning, putting in hours of work for every follow and sub, continuing through sometimes month-long periods of stagnation and streams where quite literally no one came to watch. I kept going because I'm proud of the progress I've made, and I loved spending time with my friends. ive been struggling for a long time, basically since I started up streaming again, with imposter syndrome. I don't feel funny, or cute, or generally entertaining. im bad at talking to people and social cues. I feel like my main value is in illustration, which is rapidly losing value due to AI, music, which I don't have the knowledge to do on my own, and animation, which is both being devalued by AI AND I don't know how to do it on my own, plus its super specialized so there's not much demand. what's especially bad is that I feel like an imposter among my friend group. it feels like they dont want me around really, they just keep me around because most of them don't like saying "no" and also I help them fix computer things and scuff, the "Dryad IT" I've mentioned this to a couple friends, how I don't get invited to stuff. they made no effort to change this. I still can count on my fingers how many people semi-regularly invite me to collab. It's 3. I'm also currently struggling with living paycheck to paycheck, and a constant cycle of debt. I've only been able to stay afloat at all because my parents are allowing me to stay at their house and paying for my food. however, since I've been out of school for a few months, they are asking me to pay rent. They're asking a very reasonable $200 per month, but seeing as I've been unable to get a real day job for a year and a half, I can't even afford that. my savings are gone. twitch is getting some income but not nearly enough, and I haven't gotten a commission since August. the only reason they didn't kick me out today (the day they said rent would be due first) was because they were graceful and allowed me to stay so long as I would be spending significantly more time going out irl and looking for jobs all this came to a head today, when a streamer friend (A) came to me and said I had made another friend (B) uncomfortable by joining their collab without a direct invite. I hung out in chat a little bit before joining the vc, and it seemed like they'd be interested in having a fourth squad mate but apparently I misinterpreted. I thought B didn't like me before bc of the way she talked to me, and I asked about it, but multiple people in the friend group reassured me saying "B only calls people she likes that", etc, but apparently my presence makes B uncomfortable, so I'm confused. does B like having me around or not? A told me that I can't just join their streams anymore, without an explicit invitation. the problem with this is that they don't invite me to things. as previously stated, only 3 people do, and A is not one of them. Her response to me pointing this out and that we basically wouldn't collab if that was the rule was "If you're gonna be like that then yea we wont". A has told me before that she likes that I tell it how it is. Im telling it exactly how it is: I cannot remember if she's ever invited me directly to a collab, and if she has, it's been less than 5 times in the over 6 months we've known each other. but apparently this is "being like that". I don't understand. A has called me a close friend, but this doesn't feel like friendship at all. I don't feel cut out to be a content creator, or at least not a live streamer. I'm not sure if I'll ever come back to streaming. I might put out some scripted, solo YouTube videos, but I wouldn't keep my hopes up. Thanks for reading this far.
December 4, 2025 at 6:51 AM
autumnooc.bsky.social
dinner
a bowl of instant ramen with sliced beef and egg added
November 10, 2025 at 12:08 AM
autumnooc.bsky.social
a fake Google search for "boneless chicken wings" saying "did you mean overpriced chicken nuggets?"
September 14, 2025 at 6:11 PM
autumnooc.bsky.social
today's lunch: egg and cheese sandwiches
a plate with two sandwiches on toasted white bread
September 7, 2025 at 11:13 PM