I think for the longest time, they thought they were just me getting into character.

So I don't really feel like I have more of a right to my life or career than they do, or that I'm better than them.

Also, my two main ones sound like my characters (throughout multiple books, but same recurring voice/vibes/personality), so it's kinda fun in that aspect lol

I think what's made me want to give my alters an opportunity to be seen, is because I don't identify with the same gender or name as my childhood self, and don't remember the majority of my childhood, so have kind of accepted that I'm basically an alter as well (despite identifying as Aden since 14)

And so many people who have it, aren't aware of it until much later in life, because dissociative barriers typically don't begin collapsing until age 30. Those that do realize it, hide it, because it carries such a heavy stigma.

I don't want to be afraid to be myself. I want to embrace it.

I feel like it's so important, for myself and those parts of me, to acknowledge them. And to give them the credit they deserve.
I know it must seem odd--my alters are dissociated parts of the same brain--but they feel like real people to me. They have a spark of life and sentience.

Recognizing my alters and learning their voices, I can truly see how much they've contributed to my books. And how much life they've embedded in my characters.
Many of my favorites characters tend to write themselves, and come to me fully formed from the first page. And their dialogue just flows.

adenpolydoros
2h
But I've also found some small pleasures in having DID as a writer. For several years now, I've dictated my work, and before recognizing I had DID, found it slightly amusing how I would occassionally switch accents and voices, not just for dialogue but for entire paragraphs.

I don't suffer from fugue states, and my chronological perception of the day always feels consistent and fluid, but it's the small things that make things difficult. Sometimes find myself staring at what I wrote the day before, feeling as though it's entirely foreign. Or not able to revise at all.

This last year has been very difficult, in getting diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder and learning how to cope with the symptoms. It's hard enough keeping track of a 300+ page novel as it is, but when you have constant short-term amnesia, it sometimes feels insurmountable.

I've found with each new book, I'm presented with new challenges. That's the joy in writing. It's slowly working at a story, figuring out the heart of it, growing with the characters.

I hope to post Youtube videos about this, once I finish up my writing obligations and have more free time on my plate. What interests me is, in nearly every story of mine, dating back ten years, there are those undercurrents of identity changes, dissociation, and repressed trauma.

I don't want to live my life in hiding, afraid of switching in public and being discovered. Or having to dress or act one way, when I'm feeling like another. A life like that is a life locked in a closet.

I was afraid someone would find out I'm trans. I was afraid they'd try to hurt me. I was afraid it'd ruin friendships, the way it had when I was a teen, or ruin my writing career.

DID is so stigmitized and misunderstood, I'm really hoping to combat that.

But if I had bottom surgery, before I was aware of this disorder, it would've been devastating for my female alter. And I wasn't aware of this disorder until age 27. I transitioned at 14.
Transitioning saved my life, again. I am so happy I did. I still am. I just feel the need to speak about this.

Lastly, I will say, I have no intention of detransitioning. I am so grateful I was able to transition as a teen, because otherwise, I would have k---ed myself. This is a fact, DID or not.

I looked. I think that, if you're a follower of mine and you're reading this, and you're trans, and you have no memory of your childhood, inexplicable PTSD symptoms, and continuous memory loss, that's worth looking into. I wish I noticed sooner.