Author | Lightnews

I saw a bright light and awoke in a sterile white room. i couldn't move. an un-marmot figure hovered above me manipulating my body with strange devices. i swear i'm not making this up. it happened.

bakoon @bakoon.bsky.social · Aug 7

wash marmot

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · 25d

Introducing myself as an ethical monogamist to ethical non monogamists just to see how it goes

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Reposted by Slaughthie

Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Sep 17

You arrive at the coffee shop, 7:30am on the dot as the mysterious note you found on your bedside table instructed. To complete the final task you call out “Boobert? Is there a Boobert here?” Everyone’s eyes shift to you and in perfect unison they all say “yes”

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · 26d

Going to the bathroom. Not to pee just to be.

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Oct 1

$0.40

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Reposted by Slaughthie

Steve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · Sep 24

WARDEN: and for your last meal?

ME: everlasting gobstopper

WARDEN: son of a

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Sep 30

I’ll give you a dollar if you name your kid lewferd

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Sep 29

[mid sob] thanks for coming to my ted tak

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Sep 29

Please excuse me while I experience this emotion

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Sep 29

I’ll let you guys have a great day

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Sep 27

Did u buy a blue car bc ur sad?

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Sep 17

Doctor please, my homies, they’re sick

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Reposted by Slaughthie

Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · Sep 4

Please stop inviting me to exotic islands and hunting me for sport. It’s mean and it hurts my feelings

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Sep 17

You arrive at the coffee shop, 7:30am on the dot as the mysterious note you found on your bedside table instructed. To complete the final task you call out “Boobert? Is there a Boobert here?” Everyone’s eyes shift to you and in perfect unison they all say “yes”

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Sep 11

Why everyone is honking at me is none of my business

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Sep 10

[listening to a love song] this can’t be right

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Sep 4

This post brought to you by my wet wet eggs

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Sep 4

My favorite thing about the common refrigerated egg is if you leave it out it gets condensation. There’s just something about a wet egg

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Slaughthie @slaughthie.bsky.social · Sep 2

This is me with Marlboro reds

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