Omniscient Orb of Antlers
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omniscientorb.bsky.social
Omniscient Orb of Antlers
@omniscientorb.bsky.social
1.9K followers 640 following 470 posts
time is a level orb https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:zpmpq3tifkzk7nqbgsmqvwj5/feed/aaafzcm4wp7oc
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dermatologist grimly sipping coffee and thinking goddamnit more skin today
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starting to think some of you may be losing your goddamned minds on the internet
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A time machine but to stick that one little fucker right back into the ocean
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Them: Wow, you went to a really dark place there.

Me: Clearly not dark enough because you found me to tell me that.
I get that but it's like wine and coffee and death metal you have to break through the initial horribleness to enter a realm of deep appreciation
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A list of things we don't need in this dancery:
1. Hateration
2. Holleration
I sit at games with my eyes closed just to listen to the symphony of shoe squeaks
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i do not care for basketball and all its squeaky shoes i think it should be played on a foamy surface and carrying the ball under shirts or shorts should be allowed heck give everyone a ball baby and the first team to quietly shush their crying balls wins and you lose if you decapitate the ball baby
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Me: *bursts out of the bathroom holding a rhinoceros* I've got it! I think I finally solved the internet!

Rhino: You have an inherent misunderstanding of what the internet is. Now put me down.

Me: Not yet, I still haven't finished changing your diaper.
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Just to prove a point to birds, I copulated mid flight in a twin engine Cessna.
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A hardcore breakdown section that lasts for 25 minutes
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Somewhere beyond the fog,
there is a breeze,
that will push this gloom away,
and reveal the sun to me.
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If she orders her vibrators from
Temu, then she’ll definitely do that thing you like.
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My favorite scar is from playing hopscotch on sharp boulders. Ppl ask how did that happen in hopscotch & that's when I know they're not gonna pop any cool wheelies
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Was trying to get a pic of a bluejay in the front yard apple tree, so it obliged by hopping over to the porch for a headshot. (Not his best side)

#bird
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ME: So why do you run?

DATE: Endorphins

ME: That's a great cause. No child should be left alone.

HER: Check please!
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Don’t bring your ass into my dojo unless you’re prepared for me to wipe it!!
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I wasn't born to sit at a desk and send emails, I was born to rob stagecoaches and rustle cattle
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(My cat wearing a green visor hunkering over old-timey adding machine):

I thought I told you to deduct the new litter box
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If you can’t handle me at my worst (crying in the fetal position), you don’t deserve me at my best (eating pizza in the fetal position).
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Your mouth is making shapes and sounds are coming out of your body.
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If you mix NyQuil and DayQuil it tastes like a Talking Heads song…