Author | Lightnews

Jackson Holland

@jaxholland.bsky.social

660 followers 400 following 1K posts

“YOUR MUSTACHE IS CROOKED!” - Macho Man Randy Savage “No one wants to see your dead ass playing a keyboard.” - Diamond David Lee Roth

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Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · Nov 15

Yeah, I’m the guy who keeps scrawling “NO!” over the Prime Meridian in every atlas.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 16h

I guess we are staying in the timeline where Biff got the Sports Almanac.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 16h

And to think I was going to try to learn how to poach an egg tomorrow morning…

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 19h

LaNorris Sellers is destined to be a New York Jet.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 19h

Omg it is a dream that Trump would give the SEC the “USFL Treatment”.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 19h

I keep having to mute that Amazon commercial with that shit-ass suckfest of a Collective Soul song because I’m not gonna get the Manilow Complex from that.

Collective Soul is the worst band to ever come out of Georgia. And that’s saying something because the B-52s exist.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 1d

Fuck these fucking ACC refs

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 1d

Duke is just a better team than Clemson.

Simple as that.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 1d

They should make York Peppermint Panties but I imagine the peppermint would trigger a burning rather than a cooling…like douching with mouthwash.

I need to re-examine my parchments.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 1d

This is some of the worst QB play I’ve seen in my life. Dude has llama brain.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 1d

I find it tremendously amusing that someone has a “wrote a song about a treatment for Crohn’s Disease” in their discography.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 1d

He knows what day it is. It’s *his day*.

Black cat staring into your soul on Halloween of all fucking days omg wtf

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 2d

Happy Halloween! #LEGO #StarWars

LEGO Death Troopers and a Giant Jack o lantern

1 2

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 2d

Came here for the ratio…was not disappointed.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 4d

I have a feeling Texas St fans are watching this game like “ya know Oklahoma St, if you want Kinne, you can have him.”

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 7d

I would’ve saved more for retirement by now, but I honestly thought Africanized honeybees would’ve killed us all by now.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 7d

The judges complained that my cake was stodgy and the buttercream was grainy.

They said nothing about me baking the whole thing while not wearing any pants.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 8d

Watching UVA-UNC

Steve Addazio on color is reminding me of Jon Gruden.

This is most definitely not a compliment.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 8d

These acorns are not fucking around.

I’m in danger.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 11d

Getting a poorly cooked order of McDonald’s fries is so disappointing.

RAY KROC WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 12d

I wonder if they ever made a porn version of the Bolshevik Revolution with a character named “Jackov Sverdlov”?

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 12d

Fallopian would make a great name for a pet tropical bird.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 15d

I would say that, given Nebraska’s performance tonight, Matt Rhule is fully ready to become Penn State’s next coach.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 17d

One dude listens to a bunch of Stryper albums on repeat to write a chapter about Christian hair metal in his thesis and suddenly for Fox News, this means there’s some sort of modern revival.

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 17d

Those are just plain badass! 👍🤘

Jackson Holland @jaxholland.bsky.social · 17d

From Orange County, here we go!