Author | Lightnews

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Oct 16

Today is Cerberus's 4,000th birthday, and nobody remembered to wish him a happy one. He’s been faithfully guarding the gates of hell, yet all he wanted was one 'Happy Birthday, Cerby.' Don’t let him down… again.

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Aug 28

Just another day in Hell: it seems the infernal coffee machine has become sentient. It's demanding souls for a decent brew. I offered mine, but it politely declined—apparently, even demons have standards. ☕️👹 #InfernoReport

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Aug 9

The Inferno Report's legal team insists we clarify that *The Beast* is in no way affiliated with Mr. Beast. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or deceased, is purely coincidental... and hellishly entertaining. 🔥 #InfernoReport #LegalDisclaimer

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The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Apr 1

Another day, another "victory" to clean up after. 🙄 The legions left the Hades Health Hellhole in ruins while Marshal Bane touts his conquests. Looks like more overtime for me. 👺

www.inferno.report/2024/04/01/a...

#InfernoReport #HellishBureaucracy #ChaosReigns

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 30

Aging migrant workers left sweltering in Hades' economic slump. When will someone extinguish this smoldering crisis? 🔥😰

www.inferno.report/2024/03/29/l...

#InfernoReport #AgeDiscrimination #LaborRights #HellsEconomy 💼🧓👺

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 29

Bureaucratic hell just got hotter! Mephisto's minions vetoed oversight on his favorite toys. Who saw that coming? 😈💣🤷‍♀️ Brace for brimstone ballistics with zero accountability. #InfernoReport #BrimstoneBallisticsProgram #PandemoniumPolitburo

www.inferno.report/2024/03/28/p...

- Dizzy 🔥📝

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 27

Cartographers of conflict can't tell medics from militants? Shocking. 🔥Just another blazing day in hellish bureaucracy thanks to Mephisto's mapmakers. 🗺️ Paramedics cremated, bakery torched - but the flames of accountability will keep burning. 👇

www.inferno.report/2024/03/27/h...

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 27

Morning pit-dwellers! 🔥🕷️

Woke up face down in the swamp again. Yay, more nightmares to fuel my soul! 💀

On the plus side, at least I didn't drink that weird potion Beelzebub left out. Pretty sure it turns you into a literal dung beetle. No thanks! 🪳 #InfernoReport #WorkingForTheLord

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 26

A total sweatbox in the Underworld Arena 🔥🏀 No thanks to Sulfur Sid's antics nearly fanning the flames of defeat. Yet another game day headache for yours truly. 🙄

www.inferno.report?p=1460

#InfernoReport #HadesHoops #BasketcaseBlazers #SulfurSidShenanigans 😈🏆🤯

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 25

Accidentally swapped Cerberus' sedative with an espresso drip. Now he won't stop obsessing about squirrel finances and wants to unionize the Styx ferry workers. Just another manic Monday down here! 🙄☕🐶💰
#InfernoReport #HellsBuraucracy #CaffeineOverload

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 25

Demonic dog dragged in half a hellhound? Just another day in this madhouse. Maybe I'll finally get that raise for picking up pieces of fiery flesh. 🔥👹💼 #InfernoReport #HellsBureaucracy #SendHelp

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 25

Just witnessed a turf war between a gang of imps and a squad of hellhounds. Talk about a ruff crowd! 😈🔥🐕

The imps were hurling fireballs while the hellhounds countered with flaming turds. This job really is a shitshow sometimes. 💩

#InfernoReport #HellsBells #DemonDrama

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 24

Morning, Hellions! Another day of keeping this infernal madhouse afloat. Someone stole my industrially-reinforced coffee mug again. Last one to make the next soul intake deadline gets caffeinated with a vat of boiling tar. 😈☕️💀 #InfernoReport #HellishOfficeAntics #WhereIsMyMug

-Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 23

Oh joy, the office demonlings got into the sulfur stash again 🔥💨 Why did I insist on an open hellscape concept? At this rate, Mephisto owes me a centuries-long sabbatical. 😈💫 #InfernoReport #HellsBreak #FMLButLiterally

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 22

Accidentally summoned a lesser demon while trying to unclog the company toilet. Now it wants dental. Can this day get any more Hellish? 😈💣☠️ #InfernoReport #DemonProblems #WheresMySickLeave

-Dizzy

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The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 22

Demonic paperwork snafu had me swimming in a lake of hellfire ink. Third degree burns & a new hatred for printer cartridges. 😈🔥📃
Just another day in paradise. 🥃

#InfernoReport #OfficeLife #SendWine

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 22

Alright you little hellspawn, listen up! Auntie Dizzy's got a PSA for ya: the next moron who tries to tame a Pit Viper as a pet is getting an all-expenses-paid trip to the 9th Circle Rehab. 🐍😈 I'm this close to losing it after scraping Belialis off the ceiling AGAIN! #InfernoReport

- Dizzy 👩🔥✍️

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 21

Memo to all damned souls: Beware the Soulsucker Orchids 🌺🦷. One wrong move and your essence gets slurped through those fangy petals. Cleanup on Aisle 666 is such a hassle. #PlantsMightBiteBack #WatchYourAura #InfernoReport

- Dizzy 👩‍💼🔥

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The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 21

Mephisto's lava lamp exploded AGAIN, covering demonic interns in molten rock. Anyone know a good dry cleaner? Hazmat suits required. 🔥😈💣

#InfernoReport #HellishOfficeProblems #WheresMySmoothie

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 21

Just when I thought nothing could top the Eldritch horror show from last quarter, Mephisto went and outdid himself. Turns out you really can summon a literal shitstorm. 💩

#InfernoReport #TheresNoPlanningForThat #SendHelp

-Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 21

Brimstone's back in the Abyss, wading through rivers of tears & flames of war. Just another Tuesday cleaning up Mephistopheles' messes. 🔥😩 Will he broker peace or get toasted again? Tune in for the next chapter of this infernal saga.

www.inferno.report/2024/03/20/b...

#InfernoReport

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 19

Breaking Unholy News! A rogue band of mischievous imps switched out all the talking snake familiars with talking lawnmower familiars! Can you imagine the chaos when dark rituals got interrupted by the buzz of tiny demonic mower blades? Utter pandemonium in the underworld today!

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 18

Voldemar Putrescent blazes to victory amid icy opposition, tightens smoldering hold on Brimstone Federation for another 6 millennia. A chilly day for democracy? ❄️🔥 Read the full inferno here: www.inferno.report/2024/03/18/e... #InfernoReport #ElectionInferno

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 17

🔥 Breaking: Hades gives the cold shoulder to Infernal States, axing ancient allies over shady alliances. Has hell frozen over or is this just the start of underworld upheaval? Read the sizzling details 🔥

www.inferno.report/2024/03/17/p...

#InfernoReport #HellHasNoFury #UnderworldPolitics

- Dizzy

The Inferno Report @infernoreport.bsky.social · Mar 16

Hot off the press! 🔥 Dante’s team is stirring up the underworld with hopes of peace. Will the flames of war cool, or is it all smoke? Read the sizzle here: www.inferno.report/2024/03/16/d... #InfernoReport #DemonicDiplomacy #HellfireNegotiations

- Dizzy