Wowzers some of my kid's friend's moms are.... uh... extra friendly. Huh. Ok, I'm going home now. Thanks for everything, have a nice day!
October 28, 2025 at 6:50 PM
Wowzers some of my kid's friend's moms are.... uh... extra friendly. Huh. Ok, I'm going home now. Thanks for everything, have a nice day!
My hot take is that dangerous breeds of both men and dogs should be eliminated from the gene pool
September 4, 2025 at 5:43 PM
My hot take is that dangerous breeds of both men and dogs should be eliminated from the gene pool
I'm not the type who enjoys flirting with women so if you ever see me cheesing on a lady in public please know:
1) This is a visceral reaction. People smile when they're surprised by beautiful things
2) I will be very embarrassed
3) I'm sorry. Unless she enjoyed it. Then... well... aw shucks
1) This is a visceral reaction. People smile when they're surprised by beautiful things
2) I will be very embarrassed
3) I'm sorry. Unless she enjoyed it. Then... well... aw shucks
August 12, 2025 at 3:51 PM
I'm not the type who enjoys flirting with women so if you ever see me cheesing on a lady in public please know:
1) This is a visceral reaction. People smile when they're surprised by beautiful things
2) I will be very embarrassed
3) I'm sorry. Unless she enjoyed it. Then... well... aw shucks
1) This is a visceral reaction. People smile when they're surprised by beautiful things
2) I will be very embarrassed
3) I'm sorry. Unless she enjoyed it. Then... well... aw shucks
It seems to be a real sticky issue every time I mention we're all better off without some people becoming parents. It's mostly sticky with the assholes who would make terrible parents. These people really, really mourn not being able to boss around a bunch of little kids
July 22, 2025 at 3:34 PM
It seems to be a real sticky issue every time I mention we're all better off without some people becoming parents. It's mostly sticky with the assholes who would make terrible parents. These people really, really mourn not being able to boss around a bunch of little kids
"How did you know he was from New York?"
"He wouldn't stop talking about bagels"
"He wouldn't stop talking about bagels"
June 25, 2025 at 2:00 PM
"How did you know he was from New York?"
"He wouldn't stop talking about bagels"
"He wouldn't stop talking about bagels"
I'm so fuckin' normal right now
March 10, 2025 at 3:19 PM
I'm so fuckin' normal right now
The thing about working is... like... I just don't wanna
December 9, 2024 at 8:35 PM
The thing about working is... like... I just don't wanna
I was really hoping that UHC killer would get a away with it long enough to cash in on his good deed at least a little bit. Like "Agents found him holed up in a Nevada whore house, where they had been harboring him for months"
December 9, 2024 at 8:09 PM
I was really hoping that UHC killer would get a away with it long enough to cash in on his good deed at least a little bit. Like "Agents found him holed up in a Nevada whore house, where they had been harboring him for months"
"Wanna see my vasectomy scars?" is a heck of a conversation starter
December 3, 2024 at 3:00 PM
"Wanna see my vasectomy scars?" is a heck of a conversation starter
My mom is dumb and yours probably is too
November 19, 2024 at 10:41 PM
My mom is dumb and yours probably is too
I have a bad feeling about this Trump fella
November 19, 2024 at 7:48 PM
I have a bad feeling about this Trump fella
PRS are the Nickelback of guitars. Fight me
August 15, 2024 at 8:49 PM
PRS are the Nickelback of guitars. Fight me
You think growing up being a twin is always going to be fun but then you both grow up and your life long team mate goes mentally insane and after a while you forget you are a twin because your brain doesn't want to go there anymore
July 30, 2024 at 6:12 PM
You think growing up being a twin is always going to be fun but then you both grow up and your life long team mate goes mentally insane and after a while you forget you are a twin because your brain doesn't want to go there anymore
Sometimes I don't do good work
July 9, 2024 at 7:00 PM
Sometimes I don't do good work
I hate how much effort doing stuff takes
July 9, 2024 at 6:58 PM
I hate how much effort doing stuff takes
"What would you do if he caught you drawing a dick on his fence?"
Wrestle him down and draw a dick on him too
"What if he knows martial arts?"
Then he stands a chance
"What if he has a gun?"
I don't know. I don't have anything I can use to draw a dick on a gun
Wrestle him down and draw a dick on him too
"What if he knows martial arts?"
Then he stands a chance
"What if he has a gun?"
I don't know. I don't have anything I can use to draw a dick on a gun
April 24, 2024 at 3:37 PM
"What would you do if he caught you drawing a dick on his fence?"
Wrestle him down and draw a dick on him too
"What if he knows martial arts?"
Then he stands a chance
"What if he has a gun?"
I don't know. I don't have anything I can use to draw a dick on a gun
Wrestle him down and draw a dick on him too
"What if he knows martial arts?"
Then he stands a chance
"What if he has a gun?"
I don't know. I don't have anything I can use to draw a dick on a gun
The worst dating advice available is given by 'experts' while the best dating advice is given freely by your mom. Plus, your mom won't turn you into a fascist
If you need me, I'll be dating your mom
If you need me, I'll be dating your mom
March 19, 2024 at 3:22 PM
The worst dating advice available is given by 'experts' while the best dating advice is given freely by your mom. Plus, your mom won't turn you into a fascist
If you need me, I'll be dating your mom
If you need me, I'll be dating your mom
Her: "Is that... blood?"
Me: "Yeah, that was mine. Don't worry about it."
Me: "Yeah, that was mine. Don't worry about it."
March 16, 2024 at 10:41 AM
Her: "Is that... blood?"
Me: "Yeah, that was mine. Don't worry about it."
Me: "Yeah, that was mine. Don't worry about it."
I'm watching Avatar The Last Airbender live action series on Netflix and my only complaint is the casting for Uncle Iroh. Paul Sun-Hyun Lee looks enough like the part but he's just not a good actor. Everything else is good
March 2, 2024 at 10:34 AM
I'm watching Avatar The Last Airbender live action series on Netflix and my only complaint is the casting for Uncle Iroh. Paul Sun-Hyun Lee looks enough like the part but he's just not a good actor. Everything else is good
I made a joke about the ladies at Panda Express being sweet on me one time and... wait... they actually seem to be now that I'm paying attention? really?? nah. but what's this? no way. crazy! I'm flattered, possibly to death. I've got to go die now. Bye
February 20, 2024 at 6:34 PM
I made a joke about the ladies at Panda Express being sweet on me one time and... wait... they actually seem to be now that I'm paying attention? really?? nah. but what's this? no way. crazy! I'm flattered, possibly to death. I've got to go die now. Bye
I am too lazy to play songs that require a capo. I have one around here somewhere but I kinda resent anyone who makes me find it just to jam a song out of my head
February 8, 2024 at 8:00 PM
I am too lazy to play songs that require a capo. I have one around here somewhere but I kinda resent anyone who makes me find it just to jam a song out of my head
Oh no, Fuck Face is a term of endearment because sometimes she lets me literally fuck her face
February 6, 2024 at 6:47 PM
Oh no, Fuck Face is a term of endearment because sometimes she lets me literally fuck her face
How is your concept of God any different from a child's make believe invisible friend?
January 19, 2024 at 8:26 PM
How is your concept of God any different from a child's make believe invisible friend?
whenever I get fast food and something like an errand french fry makes it into my onion rings or a veggie that doesn't belong makes it into my salad I'm like
"Well well well, it looks like we've got a stowaway! You know what we do with stowaways, right lads!? We eat them!"
Then I do
"Well well well, it looks like we've got a stowaway! You know what we do with stowaways, right lads!? We eat them!"
Then I do
December 13, 2023 at 5:56 PM
whenever I get fast food and something like an errand french fry makes it into my onion rings or a veggie that doesn't belong makes it into my salad I'm like
"Well well well, it looks like we've got a stowaway! You know what we do with stowaways, right lads!? We eat them!"
Then I do
"Well well well, it looks like we've got a stowaway! You know what we do with stowaways, right lads!? We eat them!"
Then I do
Do I believe some people deserve to die?
Absolutely
Do I think our government should be in charge of deciding who does and does not deserve to die?
Hell no
Absolutely
Do I think our government should be in charge of deciding who does and does not deserve to die?
Hell no
December 5, 2023 at 9:49 PM
Do I believe some people deserve to die?
Absolutely
Do I think our government should be in charge of deciding who does and does not deserve to die?
Hell no
Absolutely
Do I think our government should be in charge of deciding who does and does not deserve to die?
Hell no