Humphrey Go-Kart
@gothamcitymayor.bsky.social
Texan, educator, and nice curmudgeon. #zeitgang #MFFL #DallasWings #ChicagoBulls 🇵🇸
Sober date: 10/31/21 #odaat
🌎 Rogers Park, Chicago, IL
Sober date: 10/31/21 #odaat
🌎 Rogers Park, Chicago, IL
Pinned
*Meditation guide app with the voice of Morgan Freeman*:
Breathe in.
Hold.
Breathe out.
Watch your unresolved issues do cartwheels across your frontal lobe.
Breathe in.
Hold.
Breathe out.
Watch your unresolved issues do cartwheels across your frontal lobe.
December 19, 2025 at 11:14 PM
*Meditation guide app with the voice of Morgan Freeman*:
Breathe in.
Hold.
Breathe out.
Watch your unresolved issues do cartwheels across your frontal lobe.
Breathe in.
Hold.
Breathe out.
Watch your unresolved issues do cartwheels across your frontal lobe.
“Defense wins championships” is the NBA equivalent of “mission accomplished.” #Mavericks
December 19, 2025 at 1:09 AM
“Defense wins championships” is the NBA equivalent of “mission accomplished.” #Mavericks
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
White people be like “sorry, officer, that stop sign was obstructed by some foliage”
December 18, 2025 at 8:38 PM
White people be like “sorry, officer, that stop sign was obstructed by some foliage”
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
"I was only involved with the criminal financial part of Epstein's dealings, not the other stuff" will be an interesting position a lot of these guys are going to take.
December 18, 2025 at 8:40 PM
"I was only involved with the criminal financial part of Epstein's dealings, not the other stuff" will be an interesting position a lot of these guys are going to take.
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
I didn’t have real life hunger games on my bingo card
December 18, 2025 at 11:00 PM
I didn’t have real life hunger games on my bingo card
Marvel keeps making multiverse movies. At this point, I’d settle for one universe where my rent is cheaper.
December 18, 2025 at 11:34 PM
Marvel keeps making multiverse movies. At this point, I’d settle for one universe where my rent is cheaper.
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
i think my fairy godmother is an absentee parent
December 18, 2025 at 9:17 PM
i think my fairy godmother is an absentee parent
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
Of all the ways to murder someone, holding a pillow over their face while they’re sleeping is probably the coziest.
December 16, 2025 at 8:38 PM
Of all the ways to murder someone, holding a pillow over their face while they’re sleeping is probably the coziest.
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
dreamed i won a salad making competition by googling "hitler's favorite salads" finding a listicle of hitler's 20 favorite salads and letting the judges know my opponent had made hitler's 17th favorite salad
December 18, 2025 at 12:20 PM
dreamed i won a salad making competition by googling "hitler's favorite salads" finding a listicle of hitler's 20 favorite salads and letting the judges know my opponent had made hitler's 17th favorite salad
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
You will be visited by 3 ghosts
December 18, 2025 at 9:09 PM
You will be visited by 3 ghosts
I don’t have trust issues. I have people issues. And the people are usually me
December 18, 2025 at 9:21 PM
I don’t have trust issues. I have people issues. And the people are usually me
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
What idiot called that little narc Elf on the Shelf and not Police Navidad?
November 15, 2023 at 9:55 PM
What idiot called that little narc Elf on the Shelf and not Police Navidad?
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
It’s impossible to find a white hat hacker after Labor Day.
December 18, 2025 at 12:16 PM
It’s impossible to find a white hat hacker after Labor Day.
Tired: Procrastination.
Wired: Emotionally loitering.
Wired: Emotionally loitering.
December 18, 2025 at 4:49 PM
Tired: Procrastination.
Wired: Emotionally loitering.
Wired: Emotionally loitering.
Text from my manager: We’re not just a team. We’re a trauma bonded improv troupe with health benefits.
December 18, 2025 at 2:05 AM
Text from my manager: We’re not just a team. We’re a trauma bonded improv troupe with health benefits.
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
my two moods, "what if there's no way for me to exist without causing harm to others" and "royalty free techno over How It's Made b-roll"
May 28, 2024 at 5:32 PM
my two moods, "what if there's no way for me to exist without causing harm to others" and "royalty free techno over How It's Made b-roll"
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
the real question is why are they letting melania read to kids? she hates christmas and has 1 degree separation from a pedo sex trafficker
December 17, 2025 at 10:15 PM
the real question is why are they letting melania read to kids? she hates christmas and has 1 degree separation from a pedo sex trafficker
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
One of the cats (the dimwitted ginger one) was waiting at the back door to be let in. He had a noise in his mouth
Needless to say, I didn't open the door
Needless to say, I didn't open the door
December 16, 2025 at 6:52 PM
One of the cats (the dimwitted ginger one) was waiting at the back door to be let in. He had a noise in his mouth
Needless to say, I didn't open the door
Needless to say, I didn't open the door
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
Me: It's a dog eat cheese world out there
Friend: You mean dog eat dog?
Me: Bro have you ever even met a dog?
Friend: You mean dog eat dog?
Me: Bro have you ever even met a dog?
December 17, 2025 at 1:11 AM
Me: It's a dog eat cheese world out there
Friend: You mean dog eat dog?
Me: Bro have you ever even met a dog?
Friend: You mean dog eat dog?
Me: Bro have you ever even met a dog?
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
OutKast knows how to elevate the spirit and take me away from myself
December 17, 2025 at 3:23 AM
OutKast knows how to elevate the spirit and take me away from myself
Reposted by Humphrey Go-Kart
Was Saban’s Masked Rider good? No. Did it accidentally introduce kid me to Kamen Rider and an entire genre I still love? Absolutely. Culture works in mysterious, very cheap ways.
December 16, 2025 at 2:40 PM
Was Saban’s Masked Rider good? No. Did it accidentally introduce kid me to Kamen Rider and an entire genre I still love? Absolutely. Culture works in mysterious, very cheap ways.
EXISTENTIAL HOTLINE: Thank you for holding. Your spiral is important to us.
December 16, 2025 at 2:25 PM
EXISTENTIAL HOTLINE: Thank you for holding. Your spiral is important to us.