Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 19h

A hale and hearty fuck you to my left shoulder for being a treacherous bastard 🖕

Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 1d

If you join a furniture restoration group and your first action is to make an introduction post extolling your love of chalk paint, you're gonna have a bad time.

Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 1d

EdStede meetcute

A screenshot from a Facebook local community group. The text reads:

Accidentally stole a cat

If anyone is missing a cat name Django (pronounced Jango the D is silent) I stole him last night. Not on purpose, I was extremely intoxicated and thought he was just some random stray I was rescuing. It was not until this morning when I was haphazardly going for a glass of water that I remembered I took the cat and noticed that he a collar.

Django is a very frisky black cat, he also has very sleepy eyes and appears to be stoned although I don't think he is. If Django belongs to you I would like to give him back, I have been feeding him cheese all morning and I really don't want him to shit all over my apartment. So please feel free to get back to me and get your cat back. Thanks! And sorry for stealing him (on accident)

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Reposted by Short Fuse

mAlice aforethought 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🔜 @thesearethekids.bsky.social · 1d

Look we all want to be Ed or Stede coded but in reality I'm bringing a sort of Officer Hornberry vibe to any gathering (on the periphery, sweaty and dehydrated, not entirely sure what's going on, terrible at posing for photos)

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 1d

Just thinking about the time I took an empty goon bag on a girl guide camp to use as an inflatable pillow
(I was 11)

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Reposted by Short Fuse

Will BOO-rows 🖖🍞🥀 @reforest-kelley.bsky.social · 1d

A photo of three people in inflatable frog suits outside an ICE detention center in Portland, overlaid with an excerpt from Exodus 8:2-6

"But if you refuse to let them go, I will
plague your whole country with frogs...
The frogs shall come up on you and on
your people and on all your officials."

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Reposted by Short Fuse

Jill-O-Lantern ☕️🎃☕️ @coffeecatsja.bsky.social · 3d

Unsolicited Rick Pic

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 1d

He's back on duty
The Dark Knight never sleeps

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 2d

I asked if he was Batman and he meowed in response

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 2d

That was basically my reaction upon waking up 😬

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 2d

The cutest.

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 2d

Had another weird sci-fi dream; this one featured a fragment of Auton being turned into a sentient butt plug.
Apologies to @kateorman.bsky.social and Graeme the Spatula

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 2d

OOH
HALLOWEEN NOVELTY PACKER

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 3d

Ugh
The queer-owned cafe/bookshop in our village was vandalised last night and it was defs politically motivated
Fucking sad little chuds need to get in the bin

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Reposted by Short Fuse

✪ Jonathan H. Gray: “Professor of Halloweenery” ✪ @jongraywb.bsky.social · Mar 26

Thinking about that time the My Little Pony comics, of all things, absolutely bodied Scott Adams.

Close up of Pinkie Pie looking at a newspaper comic saying “Hmpf. I thought these were supposed to be funny?”

The comic is called Ponybert by Trot Adams. It opens with a building and we see a word balloon that says “Well?” The second panel is of Ponybert, the Dilbert stand-in saying “No one is smart but me.”

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 5d

22 seconds of tranquility

Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 5d

Those guides to interpreting dreams are absolute pish
Like, there's not a damn thing out there that can explain why I dreamt about helping Alan Tudyk give a giant pink and purple squid from outer space a hand job

Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 6d

Happiness is giving away my vintage femme goth gear from the 90s to a gaggle of very excited teenagers 🖤

Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 6d

Youngest teenager is behaving in a developmentally appropriate way
Satan is testing me

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Reposted by Short Fuse

Mr Buttons 🏴‍☠️🤡 oops I asked for a reason to clown 🥰💜🦄 @mrbuttons284266.bsky.social · 9d

GIVE US OUR SHOW BACK

#ofmd

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 10d

ISTG my offspring always ignore me until I'm doing something requiring intensive brain power (like my taxes), and then they need to ask me questions every two bloody minutes
They're worse than cats (but I still love them)

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 10d

Can't be any worse than raw seagull, amirite?

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 10d

That's how they disposed of Izzy's leg post-amputation 🤢↕️

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 10d

A picture of a meatloaf shaped to look like a foot.

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Short Fuse @fn0rdpr3fect.bsky.social · 12d

Whoever thought this would make for cute home decor obviously isn't familiar with the source material 😬

A cutesy tin home decor sign that says
'It's such a perfect day
I'm glad I spent it with you'.
They are lyrics from a song about Lou Reed's heroin addiction.

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