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ulibloom.bsky.social
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@ulibloom.bsky.social
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โšข Cynthia | 21 | She / Her โšข โš  No NSFW but still MDNI โš  ๐–งง My full bio! https://yulis.carrd.co/ ๐–งง
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Im in so much pain I can't sleep right at all I cant tell if my extreme dizziness and discomfort is cuz of my meds or this blood clot

Its never been this bad before and im just so scared

I don't wanna go right after ive finally found someone who gives a shit about me
Not me casually learning ive had a blood clot for 2 years now and realizing that my doctor telling me to stop treating it and just ignore it was practically attempted murder

Wow.
Despite the ever terrifying social anxiety looming over me I think im slowly returning to feeling comfortable giving compliments to my friends without fear of somehow fucking things up

Im still definitely not ready for big groups, never was good with them in the first place, but im happy still!
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Is true kindness and understanding really that rare?

I feel unbelievably fortunate to have the two truly kind friends I have, but its still very lonely, especially since both of them I only know online

I just wanna feel free to express myself and be comfortable yet that feels so impossible
For having like 9 billion people in this world, it sure does feel unbelievably lonely

Why have I only ever met 2 people in my entire life who even resemble the idea of kindness?

I've met many people who have *acted* kind before, but all of them later showed they were not being very genuine
Also I wish I knew how to make friends irl

I just wanna be able to get away from my house / family and be able to feel comfortable somewhere but it feels so impossible because of the abuse I was put through

Doesn't help that ive only met like 4 people in my entire life ive felt truly safe around
Today was a pretty shitty birthday, but im hopeful I can turn the next week around

Writing this reminded me I have an appointment tomorrow

Fuck
I got the best birthday gift I could've ever asked for : Seeing the people I love and care about be safe and happy
Feel very anxious and paranoid im like certain my period is starting up god I do not need this right now pleaseeeee