Author | Lightnews

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑

@tisfwp.bsky.social

94 followers 170 following 300 posts

Formally funded by Big Whine. Exposing the universe's injustices, one first-world problem at a time. 100% Satire. USA 🇺🇸! https://cash.app/$JDizzle204

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The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · Jul 8

Our research into why we need a 45-minute "buffer" of scrolling social media before getting out of bed has hit a funding wall. This vital work cannot continue without your support.

Help us solve one of life's most pressing mysteries. Send emergency research grants to $JDizzle204, for science.

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The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 3d

Hola. #LikeMe

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 4d

Shout out to Daylight Saving Time for giving us one (1) extra hour of Sunday anxiety before plunging us into the 'it's 5 PM and pitch black' psychological hellscape that will be our lives until March.
A truly brilliant trade. #Follow #Satire #FirstWorldProblems #LikeMe

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 5d

The Institute finds the timeline's one-sided outrage exhausting. It distracts from our real work (like analyzing lukewarm coffee).
We require you to consume news more efficiently for our sake.
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The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 5d

Saturday, 10:29 AM. The Institute is stretching. The primary sound is a series of pops and cracks, like a string of tiny firecrackers. We are unsure whether this is due to old age or our joints seizing up after a 24-hour, fun-sized candy coma.
#HalloweenHangover #FirstWorldProblems #Stretching #Old

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 7d

The Institute has decided that the "fun-sized" candy bar is a psychologically manipulative and unsatisfying concept. We are turning the lights off in protest.
#HalloweenEve #FirstWorldProblems #CandyScam

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 7d

InstituAll cognitive resources have been officially re-allocated from "work tasks" to "costume logistics" and "strategic candy acquisition."
We are now operating on a skeleton crew. (Pun 100% intended).
#HalloweenEve #SpookySeason #FirstWorldProblems #OutOfOffice

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 8d

A stable, high-speed internet connection is a basic human need, like air or artisanal coffee. Our current connection is forcing us to live like 1990s barbarians. The trauma of this digital famine is immense.
#FirstWorldProblems #InternetDown #WhyUs #Trauma

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 10d

The Institute can scientifically confirm that the most terrifying jump-scare of the entire 'spooky season' is the sound of the first unread email notification hitting your inbox. The horror is real.

#MondayMorning #SpookySeason #WorkLife #FirstWorldProblems #TheHorror

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 15d

The Institute is deep in Halloween costume planning. The primary challenge is finding a culturally relevant outfit that won't cause immediate heatstroke in 85°F weather.

#Halloween #TexasFall #Follow #Like #FirstWorldProblems #CostumeCrisis #NeedCoffee

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 22d

#sharktank @mcuban.bsky.social #High

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 22d

For years, the Institute has been strategically identifying, analyzing, and even creating First World Problems. Where should we submit our application for the Presidential Medal of Freedom?

#MedalOfFreedom #FirstWorldProblems #Influence #CulturalImpact

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 23d

It's past midnight in mid-October. The Institute is fulfilling our seasonal obligation of watching a horror movie. However, the true horror is the dawning realization that we will pay for this decision during our 9 AM meeting tomorrow.
#SpookySeason #Adulting #FirstWorldProblems #FutureRegret

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 23d

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 24d

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 25d

three women in white suits are dancing in a room

ALT: three women in white suits are dancing in a room

media.tenor.com

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 25d

#FreeTheWeed

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 27d

We are now engaged in "Aggressive Typing," a late-Friday strategy where one types very loudly to create the illusion of urgent work. In reality, we are just repeatedly typing "the weekend is almost here" and Googling pictures of dogs.
#WorkLife #FridayVibes #FirstWorldProblems #BusyDoingNothing

Reposted by The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 28d

The Institute has been diligently posting for the cause on this app for nearly a year. A question for Bluesky management: Who in the Antifa/Soros HR department handles direct deposit issues? Our paycheck seems to be missing.

#ShillLife #FirstWorldProblems #PayrollIssues @bsky.app

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 28d

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · 29d

The Institute is now consuming our "Sad Desk Lunch." A culinary experience defined by lukewarm leftovers, the quiet hum of a computer, and the crushing weight of a thousand unread emails. We do this to "save time," but the cost to our souls is immeasurable.
#WorkLife #FirstWorldProblems #HumpDay

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · Oct 8

ANTIFA at it again

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · Oct 8

The Institute is watching Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983). Our modern, CGI-rotted brains find it difficult to be truly terrified by the practical effects. That's not a monster on the wing; that's a very talented puppet, and we respect its work.
#TwilightZone #80sHorror #FirstWorldProblems #SFX

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · Oct 6

The Institute is aware of several ongoing global situations of great importance. However, a more immediate crisis has our full attention: our coffee is disappointingly lukewarm. It is hard to focus on world events during a beverage tragedy.
#CurrentEvents #CoffeeCrisis #FirstWorldProblems

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · Oct 4

12:45 AM. October. The Institute can now scientifically confirm that every unexplained noise in the house is a ghost. The hum of the fridge? A ghost. A floorboard creaking? Definitely a ghost. We are taking this very seriously. #SpookySeason #LateNight #FirstWorldProblems #ParanormalInvestigation

The Institute for the Study of First World Problems🔬🥑 @tisfwp.bsky.social · Oct 2

#trumpsamerica #ai