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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 15h

eternal suffering and damnation (can't say anything I find fun or cool or interesting or admirable about musicians or artists I enjoy bc people will automatically assume the only reason I give a damn about their artwork is bc I want to fuck them or something)

cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 16h

probably, where talia called straight trans women & gay trans men "straggots"

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

intended audience is myself, mostly.

cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

I think I just needed to Finally Say It in order to move on

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

intended audience is ig just whoever knows what I'm talking about and has wondered how I've felt all this time. idfk. sometimes I just type out into the ether

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

I'm not asking for forgiveness by expressing myself, either.

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

"who tf are you even talking about bean" if you don't know you don't know. i'll leave it at that. you weren't the intended audience for those tweets and that's okay. you don't have to be in the know about every little thing it's fine. i've made my own peace with it. or tried to.

cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

so like hate me love me whatever idfc. feeling bitter about the situation doesn't mean I'm justifying that bitterness, either. a feeling is just a feeling. they're not declarations of correctness or wrongness they're just emotions.

cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

this also doesn't mean that I'm TRYING to peg blame onto somebody, here. i don't really know what my goal is other than just getting it out of my head and into the open bc I'm tired of carrying it inside when it has been bothering me ever since it happened & I need to let it go

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

so like hate me love me whatever idfc. feeling bitter about the situation doesn't mean I'm justifying that bitterness, either. a feeling is just a feeling. they're not declarations of correctness or wrongness they're just emotions.

cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

this also doesn't mean that I'm TRYING to peg blame onto somebody, here. i don't really know what my goal is other than just getting it out of my head and into the open bc I'm tired of carrying it inside when it has been bothering me ever since it happened & I need to let it go

cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

like the truth of it being shitty does not change just bc some of it was unknown or not fully "to blame". you don't need malintent or a blame person in order for it to have been shitty.

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

this also doesn't mean that I'm TRYING to peg blame onto somebody, here. i don't really know what my goal is other than just getting it out of my head and into the open bc I'm tired of carrying it inside when it has been bothering me ever since it happened & I need to let it go

cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

like the truth of it being shitty does not change just bc some of it was unknown or not fully "to blame". you don't need malintent or a blame person in order for it to have been shitty.

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

like the truth of it being shitty does not change just bc some of it was unknown or not fully "to blame". you don't need malintent or a blame person in order for it to have been shitty.

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

also like something being traumatizing isn't always a moral failing on behalf of whatever it is, but it doesn't change the fact that it was exacerbating situations that were already traumatizing for me in the first place & still impact me over a year later

cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

"I'm allowed to be bitter about something bad that was kinda traumatic for me"

and

"the person involved had no way of knowing exactly just how traumatic their actions were towards me in that moment"

are truths that can coexist. btw.

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

"I'm allowed to be bitter about something bad that was kinda traumatic for me"

and

"the person involved had no way of knowing exactly just how traumatic their actions were towards me in that moment"

are truths that can coexist. btw.

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

no totally I totally just wanna have access to somebody. oh? you can't tell that information, you're just guessing? okay.

cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

nobody's entitled to anyone else but I'm sure that'll be the interpreted message. instead of yknow. expressing how I felt about a situation that I avoided discussing for a really long time. and just getting that shit off my chest.

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

to make them happy or act in accordance to their carefully choreographed outline of steps that say "yes you are a good person"? that has zero wiggle room for people's real lives or mental health crises or anything that doesn't perfectly fit the rulebook for Addressing Things?

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

don't you know that you should be stone cold with no human emotions whatsoever? and always react perfectly according to the unspoken moral codes of your followers, even though you're autistic and nobody has ever enumerated the exact steps you're supposed to adhere to in order

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

whoops! internet microcelebritied a little to close to the sun! now people Demand Your Thoughts On Fucking Everything Going On At All Times. don't you know random strangers with a parasocial relationship to you own your thoughts and feelings and are watching your every move?

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

"omg you're talking about being suicidal about this? what a baby you're so fragile I bet you still drink from the bottle stop guilt tripping ugh GOD" oh sorry my wanting-to-die-itis is inconvenient for your narratives about me lemme just--

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

"wow bean what a way to make it all about yourself you fucking piece of shit" yeah yeah I know how dare I have emotions about a situation that I was forced to respond to even when I was not prepared to and had no idea what I was doing yeah yeah I'm selfish okay whatever

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

it very much so felt like

*tries to do the right thing*
*everyone gets mad at me*
*tries to do the right thing*
*everyone gets mad at me again*
*tries to do the right thing*
*everyone gets ma--

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

so yknow this was the context with which I was fucking responding to that situation and IDFK maybe that means some leniency is warranted but oh well I'll go fuck myself I guess

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

instead of the front because my brain was yelling at me to go drive off a bridge. but I knew my executive dysfunction would save me if I sat in the backseat instead bc it meant having to get out of the car again and get in the drivers seat and turn it on

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

I was already heavily suicidal at that point anyways because I remember around that time was the time where I literally locked myself in my car after my ex had a full blown screaming episode towards me. I sat in the backseat of my car with the keys in my hands shaking and I had sat back there

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

both dms and replies chanting "make a statement! make a statement! pick a side! what do you feel! who do you think is in the right and in the wrong!" about two individuals who I literally do not know? like I lowkey wanted to die and I'm not even kidding

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cat's futch bitchsona era ✨️🧙‍♀️🏹🌌🌷🍷🪄🎠🧭🎉🔬👀 @therapatical.bsky.social · 17h

your ability to discern what is real or not real has been so thoroughly warped by your abuser that you don't know up from down or left from right. and so to be in that situation (which, tbf, nobody knew about at that point I don't think) and then have hundreds of people suddenly HOUNDING you in

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