I finally pieced together what happened to me.My office is secure, so I was in there alone and the door was locked. I had just picked up a sandwich from Jimmy Johns and it was on my desk. I hadn't even opened it. I remember an immense pain in my chest and an inability to get off the floor. I remember dreaming that I was home in bed with my wife, and then I woke up again.

I've mostly blocked all those who cause me unrest or threaten me. But every once in a while I hear something like, "All my friends say you went woke." To me, that's the strangest insult a professing believer can hurl at someone since "a friend of sinners". To be woke is to be awake. And it is the best thing that has happened to me, even though it often makes me want to rise with the roosters and scream at the new day.

How to fight back

When Dear Leader bemoaned domestic assault as a little fight that is bringing down his crime statistics, most of the world was appalled. But I’ve been hearing that for decades in the church. I’ve heard the same sentiment from so many pastors and elders I’ve lost track. Here are just a few: “He just knocked her around a little. It wasn’t real abuse.”

I have to admit something. I struggle, as you have probably guessed. The Angry Orange Lunatic and his sycophants have cost me tremendously over the years in real life. And he hasn't cost me near as much as he has cost our brown brothers and sisters, our trans friends, our gay friends - those who live in fear every day.

ALT: a black cat is holding a nail file in its paws against a brick wall .

They just don’t care. I saw a poll yesterday that said 47 percent of republicans would not change their support of Trump even if his name IS in the Epstein files. It confirmed what I suspected in the evangelical church for years. It isn't that they don't believe women. It's that they don't care. Once we understand that, our approach changes.

Here's the thing.

Healing takes place when stories are told in safe places. I don’t know who said that, but I think it is time to take it seriously. I saw mom today. My legs are in extreme pain. I’ve had IBS for 3 days. My migraines are back. I can’t carry this shame anymore and I need to speak. Saying things in a family where saying things is never done takes a lot out of me.

I don't understand what happened. Yesterday, I was doing the Bird with Morris Day and the Time and all of the sudden I got old. Thank you all for the birthday greetings. I truly love my birthday because of the greetings. There are some that I am like "Hey, they haven't unfriended me yet!" and that makes me smile a little.

This could also be called “more ammunition for my enemies to use against me…” if I cared, that is. Interesting thing. When they have taken away everything that you thought you couldn’t live without, and you survived and are thriving, you no longer really care about their threats. Plus, I make liberal use of the block key, which is wonderful.