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River Side Casino

@riversidecasino.bsky.social

18K followers 130 following 3.5K posts

The Midwest’s Best Casino On This Side Of The Hoover River Slots, table games, golf, luxury spa, sweat lodge, ball pit, dining options, concert/convention center, and some other stuff. Definitely haunted. Contributors: https://go.bsky.app/4yomz8H

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · Feb 3

Our present and past/escaped contributors do amazing work here on Bluesky for which they are compensated handsomely. Still, throw them a pity follow. We'll count it as their Christmas bonus.

go.bsky.app/4yomz8H

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 7h

If you’re unhappy, look at the stars or that little blinking light where you feed money into a slot machine

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 14h

If you're human, come try the new slot machines.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 1d

Too soon?

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 1d

Brewers fans, bring your tears to the front desk for $5 free slot play.

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Reposted by River Side Casino

River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · Nov 21

Thanks to a surprisingly litigious Tom Morello, we were forced to rename our Rage Against The Slot Machine promo to Red Slot Chili Peppers.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 1d

If you’re wearing a Halloween costume here this year, please don’t dress up as our boss. He’s very sensitive about his cloven feet and tentacles.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 2d

We're going to start accepting payments in cryptocurrency, which the owner's nephew assures us is "definitely not a scam."

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 3d

Our casino relies heavily on a local customer base, which is why we're upset about so many of those customers disappearing mysteriously in the morass.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 3d

This is Samuel L. Jackson for River Side Casino's Motherfuckin' Trunk or Treat event! Will you get a motherfuckin' treat or be stuffed in a motherfuckin' trunk?!

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 4d

The universe gives and gives

River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 4d

River Side Casino, typo-free as of 30 seconds ago.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 4d

If you've been wanting an adults-only Tron gambling experience (and we know you want just that), you'll love our new Tron Jeremy slot machine.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 5d

Will the owner of the foul-mouthed parrot please come to the front desk. Our receptionist won’t stop crying.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 5d

Our marketing manager says our cultural references need to be “relevant and timely” and I’m like, who are you, the Octomom?

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 6d

"To succeed at blackjack you need just one thing: nerves of titanium. When I sleep at night I dream of a grand ballroom where it is always New Year's Eve."
-- Charles River, founder, River Side Casino

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 6d

No one knows why our Marketing team was not selected for MacArthur genius grants. Now what are we going to do with all these "Genius Grant recipients do it by using failures as opportunities for new approaches" t-shirts????

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 7d

My grandma who died in 2003 may have said inappropriate things but let’s get one thing clear. She was born in 1909. Times were different then. She was really old. A really old racist bitch. Anyway, the bingo room opens at 5pm tomorrow.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 7d

We're pleased to announce that Rod Stewart has dropped the lawsuit.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 8d

We were not on a poster's strike today. Our marketing team got stuck in the ventilation pipes again.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 9d

Customers who say River Side Casino doesn’t keep it real will be pleasantly surprised by our “We’re Gonna Bust Craps In Your Ass” promo.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 9d

Congratulations to our lead auditor Gary Thorndale, whose son just got married to, as Gary says, "a dental hygienist who makes me wish I was single and 20 years younger."

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 9d

A lot of people are saying, “Why does a casino need a volcano?”

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 10d

We have heard your complaints. We’re going to do something about the fumes.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 10d

Worried about spending too much? We'll hold your ATM card for you. It'll be nice and safe right next to all this cash we keep in the cage.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 10d

You should be celebrating Crapstober at River Side Casino!

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