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messyray.bsky.social
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@messyray.bsky.social
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عايزة اكتب الحاجات اللي بعملها لنفسي و ببسطني
عشان انا بقيت مؤذيه اوي ليا بدرجه مش كويس خالص ، وونظرا اني مش قادرة ارجع لل journal ف همتب هنا لحد ما اقدر ارجع تاني
من يومين كنت مبسوطه لاول مرة بشغلى ف مجال الكتب، لانه بعد سنتين و نص شوفت الكتاب بالصدفه هارد كوبي قدام عيني ، و وووه بجد مين اللي عامل الشغل التحفه القمر المتدلع دا و ايه الالوان المتناسقه ديه!!
الوضع ع تويتر من حيث محتوى مجال ui ux بقي ساعات بيحزنى على حالى اوى وانى هفضل دايما ف القاع و غيرى عمال يتقدم خطوات و اميال عنى، بجد اوقات كتير بيجيلى نغزة فى قلبي بسبب كدا و بستحقر مجهوداتى برغم انى بجاهد عشان اللاقى وقت لنفسي استجمع فيه قوايا العقليه و النفسيه عشان اسعى، اتمنى ما أكونش بكدب ع نفسي
وصلت عند بوينت معينه فى حلقه *من فقدان الثقة إلى الشعور الانتماء* ل عماد رشاد و مقدرتش اكمل حسيت اني هعيط
بكر عندي انترفيو لحد ناو مذاكرتي ليها طشاش اوي و حاسه اني بعاملها معامله اخر مادة بمتحنها برغم اني كنت هموت من الرعب من كام يوم
Maybe yes we won't be together, but he died i couldn't even able to discover that, He loved me a lot, and he is gone now!
today it was supposed to be his 30's birthday, i was okay if we are far, but i knew that he was still some where out there that was a relief that we can be again and talk as always, i was his only safe place, knowing that was enough for me,
يارب بينكي تتحسن فى اقرب وقت❤
مُستنزفة و مُستهلكة بسبب تفكيرى
يارب ساعدنى يارب
انا خايفه اوى و قلقانه
هل الانسان بيزهق من نفسه و يكرهها لانها مش بتعمل اللازم عشان توصل ؟
ازاي نتخطي دا و نسعي بجد بجد كل يوم باستمراريه بغض النظر عن الظروف
I love and cherish your story. And I am your friend
Whenever i remember him, i feel "غصة" in my heart
اللهم ارحم امواتنا و اموت المسلمين جميعا يارب و ثبت اقدمهم على الصراط المستقيم
و ما الحياه الا لهوا و لعب و الاخرة هى دار القرار
اللهم ارزقنا الطمأنينة وراحة البال والصبر على ما لم نحط بِه خبرا
At the end of the day, and overthinking I tell myself what if I didn't get what i want!
Why we are here! To obey Allah, so if i did it well so no worries
I always forget that and i will always forget it
Sometimes i see that I'm good enough and survived a lot, I went through family problems since i was in primary school till NOW!!
I think that's the main reason why i don't rememeber my childhood as something good, althiugh went through struggles to be in a good college, having good friends
I have never recevied love, I ever felt that I'm loved
Is this a reason to be the persob am I now!?
My age is freaking me.., getting older without anything is fullfilled to prove that u did well in ur life is very bad and pathetic feeling
I'm afraid
Was I wrong when i wanted simple, normal life?
Educating, work, live then marriage!!
Okay I know well that nothing come on a golden plate, but what!!
I suffered in education, and then whaaat!
Nothing happened! No fixed work no life and ofcourse no love
WHY didn't I get anything else?
But right now, when i look back i think I'm pathetic, I didn't fullfilled anything for me!
I didn't get a proper job, I keeped shifting my career before even being good at the first one
Didn't I try enough?! Or thise obstecls were really preventing me!
But i was trying to just get a job and then fun
and being good daughter, Accepted to be the responsible one for things i shouldn't even have known about, tried to limit my requests, never asked for a specific thing to me!!
accepted to be all that and be a givier also whenever i got the ability to give, they wanted all of my advantages