Author | Lightnews

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Jan 2

"new year, new me" I scrawl on the parchment with my quill
It's the height of the Hellenistic period and as one of the foremost intellectual and philosophical minds of Greece, I can't wait to drop this fire on the unsuspecting scholars in Athens

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Dec 26

If they aren't planning on making a sequel and calling it Nosfera2, then what the fuck is the point of making it in the first place?

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interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Dec 23

Gonna become a smut writer with the pen name Stephen Kink and all my books will be named things like "Tit" and "11/22/69" and "The Mommyknockers"and "Bag of Boners" etc

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 23

@meetevelynvale.bsky.social

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interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 22

Today I told a thrillbilly that putting a lift kit and big wheels/tires on his truck is a form of gender affirming care

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Grief counselor: you have to stop using humor to mask your pain, so please answer this seriously. Who did you lose?

Me, crying in borat voice: MY WIFE

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Me: hi I'm here for the Talenti contest

Judges: uh did you mean "talent contest?"

Me, opening a fuck ton of gelato containers: the what now?

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Werner Herzog: gaze upon this majesty of God's cruel design. After generations of evolution he has reached his peak; an office job and arthritis. A creature so pitiable even worms caught in the beaks of the birds outside look upon him and weep.

Me: *spills soup on pants*

Herzog: beautiful

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interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Trent, it's your cousin. Marvin. Marvin Reznor? You know that new sound you've been looking for? Well listen to this

*holds phone up to a dialup connection being established inside a busy Guitar Center*

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Who the hell decided to call them Magnums and not Anacondoms

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Doc Brown : Then tell me, future boy, who's First Lady of the United States in 1985?

Marty : Nancy Reagan.

Doc Brown: NANCY REAGAN?!? The blowjob queen of the MGM lot?

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

You want to fuck me like a WHAT?
You want to feel me from WHERE?

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Hi I'm Willem Dafoe from Antichrist and you're watching Disney Channel

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

"Nintendo Switch" implies the existence of both a Nintendo Top and a Nintendo Bottom

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Coworker: accidentally bumps me with a pen, lightly making a mark on my arm

Me, doing a PRETTY GOOD Emperor Palpatine impression: this attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed

The rest of the office: 🙄

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Me: diamonds are just shiny rocks we found in the dirt that we ascribed value to but are effectively worthless

Friend: and all of those rocks in your bedroom?

Me: those are crystals and they have powerful healing properties you ignorant fuck

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Me: ooo jelly belly has an online outlet store! I hope they have some good deals on their classic beans

The Jelly Belly Online Outlet Store: our only product available is 3% off a 10 lb bag of beanboozled cum flavored jelly beans

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

babe are you okay?

you've barely fed the algorithm with your most deep seated desires

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

"Dairy Queen" implies the existence of a Dairy Monarchy and quite possibly a Dairy Parliament (where the real Dairy decisions are made)

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

she wonka on my willy until i scrumdiddlyumptious

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

"New year new me" I proclaim as I slide the VR headset over my eyes

"Time to jack in to the losernet to slice some frags"

I pay $6000 ZuckBucks to have a 12 year old murder my avatar (Felix the Cat smoking a joint) while everything I own is repossessed

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Me, time travelling: this is called a smart phone. It's a monument to societal loneliness and these "apps" are it's pillars

Nikola Tesla: fascinating! And what's this one?

Me: oh that's Grindr, you use that for when you want a smooth twink to fondle your shame

Tesla: EXCEPTIONAL!

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interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Nobody:

The Looney Tunes sticker on the back window of some guys truck: "whooth trying to get their putthy ate"

interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Pillow Princess/Prince:
• gendered
• archaic
• royalty holds no real political power

Duvet Dictator:
• bold
• gender neutral
• installed as the leader in the bedroom thanks to a successful regime change supported by the CIA

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interminablebliss.bsky.social @interminablebliss.bsky.social · Nov 17

Me: yeah, I'm a big fan of nude metal

Record store employee: uh I think you mean nü metal

Me, tits out, halfway through taking my pants off: ???

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