Author | Lightnews

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 4h

Had a great line early in the move, "I've never died before, and I want to do it right." I wish the rest of the movie was that good.

No boobs.

2 stars.

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 5h

Budget Vincent Price dies. Horror fans steal corpse and party. Cranky, budget, zombie Vincent Price ensues.

He was very cranky.

Had a lot going for it. Camp, niche actors, but it felt very vanilla. Used the lightsaber activation noise for spooky stinger.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0083...

Frightmare (1983) ⭐ 4.7 | Comedy, Drama, Horror

1h 26m | R

www.imdb.com

1

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 8h

Entertaining how they deal with members of their group dropping one by one.

The pretty blonde becomes a naked rage zombie, so that didn't suck. +1 star.

Pretty sure the movie art is AI generated. -1 star.

3 stars.

1

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 8h

Diverse group volunteers for vague medical study in remote facility, because that always turns out well. Rage zombies ensue.

Based on actual medical study (no zombies, just deaths).

Doesn't really bring anything new. The effective storytelling is in the interactions of the characters.

The Facility (2012) ⭐ 4.8 | Horror

1h 19m | TV-MA

www.imdb.com

1

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 21h

Wednesday is International Stress Awareness Day, because there are few things more internationally stressful than the day after America's election day. It's Doughnut Appreciation Day, because I really do. And it's Eat Smart Day, because I appreciate doughnuts.

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 1d

Problems occur as with other horror comedies. It stumbles when it needs to decide the level of peril. Being torture massacred by angry ghosts is rarely funny.

I really liked how the ending resolves the problems.

Brief full frontal guy and gal nudity.

3 stars.

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 1d

New Yorkers' new apartment is too good to be true. Rent control ensues.

Very "Airplane" style humor. And it mostly works.
"The previous tenants were murdered and buried in the garden..."
"Wait, this place has a GARDEN???"

www.imdb.com/title/tt2777...

Evil Sublet (2023) ⭐ 5.1 | Comedy, Horror

1h 45m

www.imdb.com

1

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 1d

The revenge on the crime lord subplot was really shoe-horned in. Hero should have been zombified and then gotten revenge as an unstoppable zombie monster. But no, instead, they just ran around in caves.

Brief boobs: .5 stars.

1.5 stars.

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 1d

War hero tough guy (irrelevant) framed for murder, sent to death row. Mad scientist turns inmates into zombies. Pretty miserable boredom ensues.

I hardly watched it, but I still completely understood what was going on.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0127...

Death House (1988) ⭐ 4.2 | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi

1h 30m | Not Rated

www.imdb.com

1

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 1d

Ultra low budget with almost no/none SFX. But filmed with such skill, you almost wouldn't notice. Some shoddy audio, weak acting slips through.

2 stars.

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 1d

Young deacon returns to home parish. Everything gets worse. Is he a saint? Is he a demon? Yes ensues.

Very grim, dark story. It's never made clear what his nature, motive, or goals ultimately are. There's murders, pedophiles, cannibals, druggies, demons, whatever. And he's some of them.

Deacon (2018) ⭐ 4.3 | Drama, Horror, Mystery

2h 12m

www.imdb.com

1

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 1d

Tuesday is Skeptics Day International, which only happens on the first Friday the 13th and Election Day. Reasons. It's Chicken Lady Day. Squish your head. It's Waiting for the Barbarians Day. Spoiler: They're already in charge. It's Use Your Common Sense Day. Too late.

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 2d

I'm glad you gave it a shot!

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 2d

I wish contemporary short compilations were as good as this.

4 stars. @jonbeanhastings.bsky.social recommended for next year, I guess.

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 2d

"People Can Lick Too": Good, except the dog dies, but of course he does, that's the point of the twist.
"The Locket": Awesome atmospheric, spooky telling of classic ghost story.
"The Campfire": Wrapper stories usually suck, but this one was moving and effective.

1

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 2d

Partying teens break down in remote woods, tell scary stories around campfire. Pretty great spookies ensue.

Great to see relatively famous actors in their younger roles.

"The Hook": Great, retro black and white retelling of urban legend.
"The Honeymoon": Fair werewolf story.

Campfire Tales (1997) ⭐ 5.8 | Horror, Mystery

1h 28m | R

www.imdb.com

1

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 2d

Monday is Job Action Day. Just ask ChatGPT to do it. It's Broadcast Traffic Professionals Day. Les Nessman approves. It's Give Someone a Dollar Today Day. Oh, what a cliché. That's why it's also Cliché Day. And it's Jelly Fish Day.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfLT...

The Jellyfish Song

YouTube video by Caroline Konstnar - Archive

www.youtube.com

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 3d

Sunday is Zero Tasking Day, which sounds perfect right now. It's Practice Being Psychic Day, because odds are, you'll get something right eventually. It's All Souls' Day, because some people can't Halloween enough.

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 4d

It's cute when they talk with French accents

1

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 4d

Saturday is Deep Fried Clams Day. Because EVERY day is Clams Day... It's Learn to Homebrew Day. In the US, that's called tap water. And it's Give Up Your Shoulds Day. As in, I should throw all this left over candy away.

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 5d

There's no way the girl would believe the new kid's outrageous (but completely true) story. They totally wrote themselves into a corner there and just said, "Fuck it, she believes him."
90% stingers. You just started to ignore them after a while.

1.5 stars.

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 5d

Why would the ghost make up rules? There's no reason the kids would follow the rules.
Why is the ghost so angry with the new kid?
Why did the new kid care so much about the girl? Because she was pretty? They were all assholes, but especially her.

1

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 5d

Angry teens torment angry old lady. Old lady kills self, invites kids to phone a friend.

Wasn't "the" call. Was at least five calls.
The calls were pointless.
Why would the kids follow the rules? There's no reason for them to follow the rules.

www.imdb.com/title/tt1297...

The Call (2020) ⭐ 4.3 | Horror, Mystery, Thriller

1h 37m | Not Rated

www.imdb.com

1

John Lawson @guiromelans.bsky.social · 5d

I also liked the cop's whole story arc.

There were a lot of screaming and inevitable betrayals.

The interrogation with the Jesus statue was well done.

Misleading movie art: -1 star.

3 stars.