Michael T.
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emceetee.bsky.social
Michael T.
@emceetee.bsky.social
1.1K followers 1.9K following 150 posts
Oeste de PR based 30-something dog dad
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Now who is she trying to look cute for?
Will literally give a semi decent handjob to anyone willing to help vacuum my car.
She could do so much better if she just applied herself.
I completely understand getting injected with a virus that alters your genetic makeup and turns you into a 100 foot zombie.

But custom couture with no job!?….thats a stretch.
Anyone else get this ad everyday and think…”where did she get her dress made?”
People always abandon the cutest puppies at my job. Somebody adopt this lil guy!
Just caught my dog trying to sneak onto my pillow so she could comfortably lick her vagina. Domesticated animal my ass!
Whenever I have anxiety about being 36…I remember when I was 22 and went to hook up with a 36 year old amateur DJ.

I sat there for 2 HOURS while he tried to make a club mix to ‘The A Team’ by Ed Sheeran. A song about a homeless crackhead.

I think I’m doing ok for 36.
I wish I could be cute and get some work done at a coffee shop. I just feel weird making a ‘DO NOT FLUSH TAMPONS’ sign on Canva in public…
Is it true love when you’ve entered the ‘don’t drink my coke zero’ phase of a relationship?
I have the most painful ingrown pubic hair. Please send prayers and tweezers.
Instead of jocktober and locktober…can we give some attention to socktober and these poor unmatched babies :(
But where do the quails go when they get big? We only see chicks and bulge.
My friend and I were joking about the rapture and I accidentally texted “I believe in godspell” to my most Christian employee.

Chat, tell me it’s going to be ok.
It’s like that time the beyhive came for Rachael Ray.
The way my elderly millennial brain continues to mix up Erika Kirk and Erika Jayne…
I’m confused, do republicans think Antifa is like an Elks Lodge or something?
In lieu of #fcf I will be posting clips from Taryn Manning’s music career. She was the Appalachian Kylie Minogue.
What if we expect Hollywood to rally behind Kimmel and they just give us this again?
wfh featuring my astraphobic, geriatric jack russell and her emotional support bird.
Went to get my regular testing done today and they took 5 vials of blood!! Is super gonorrhea back or was the gen z phlebotomist just torturing me?
a man in a sweater is saying i 'm feeling woozy here .
ALT: a man in a sweater is saying i 'm feeling woozy here .
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