Author | Lightnews

Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 1d

yes.

Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 1d

Now who is she trying to look cute for?

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Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 2d

Will literally give a semi decent handjob to anyone willing to help vacuum my car.

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Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 2d

She could do so much better if she just applied herself.

Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 2d

I completely understand getting injected with a virus that alters your genetic makeup and turns you into a 100 foot zombie.

But custom couture with no job!?….thats a stretch.

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Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 2d

Anyone else get this ad everyday and think…”where did she get her dress made?”

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Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 3d

People always abandon the cutest puppies at my job. Somebody adopt this lil guy!

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Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 4d

Just caught my dog trying to sneak onto my pillow so she could comfortably lick her vagina. Domesticated animal my ass!

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Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 6d

Whenever I have anxiety about being 36…I remember when I was 22 and went to hook up with a 36 year old amateur DJ.

I sat there for 2 HOURS while he tried to make a club mix to ‘The A Team’ by Ed Sheeran. A song about a homeless crackhead.

I think I’m doing ok for 36.

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Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 9d

I wish I could be cute and get some work done at a coffee shop. I just feel weird making a ‘DO NOT FLUSH TAMPONS’ sign on Canva in public…

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Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 13d

Is it true love when you’ve entered the ‘don’t drink my coke zero’ phase of a relationship?

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Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 14d

I have the most painful ingrown pubic hair. Please send prayers and tweezers.

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Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 16d

Instead of jocktober and locktober…can we give some attention to socktober and these poor unmatched babies :(

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Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 23d

But where do the quails go when they get big? We only see chicks and bulge.

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Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · 24d

ambitious.

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Michael T. @emceetee.bsky.social · Sep 23

My friend and I were joking about the rapture and I accidentally texted “I believe in godspell” to my most Christian employee.

Chat, tell me it’s going to be ok.