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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 8h

I was quite proud of my paint stripping but the wife's criticism has really taken the gloss off it.

#Lunchpun

Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 1d

Our Navy football team has been drawn to play a team from the east coast of Scotland.

Angus away?

No, we're going by coach.

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 2d

My auntie ran house of ill repute but never had many customers. She always said that too many cocks spoil the brothel.

#LunchPun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 3d

Do you know a word to describe "slightly off straight"?

Askew?

Yeah, Hugh's not here so I'm asking you.

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 6d

Even after the Titanic sank, people with lisps said it was unthinkable.

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 7d

There's less fans here at the football in Leicester this week.

It's not less, it's fewer.

Oh, there's less fans here at the football in Fewerter this week.

#Lunchpun

8

Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 8d

When I was in hospital in the late 70's, I complained to the nurse about the state of the room and she said I had to ring my bell for a neater ward.

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 9d

I thought I saw a thin Ray Davies when I was driving the other day, but it was just a slight kink in the road.

#LunchPun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 10d

It's the same every time he goes away.

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 10d

In the eighties, Paul Young found several homes around the world with the help of his hatless.

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 13d

When he was commentating at Wimbledon, the BBC had to give Henman a final warning because he finished off the strawberries.

All? Tim ate 'em?

Precisely.

#Lunchpun

10

Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 14d

My arrogant, cocky Australian neighbour just insulted my cat.

Pom puss?

Yes, exactly.

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 15d

I've just watched a film about Orion's belt. Three stars.

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 16d

When training to be a spy, I was often asked to cook pheasant stuffed with shrimp. It was only then that I realised I was just a prawn in the game.

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 17d

I'm allergic to drinking more than 3 pints when I go to the pub.

Four beers?

No, it's more of an allergy.

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 20d

Science Teacher: What happens to your body after you're buried?

Me: Um, IDK.

ST: Correct!

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 21d

I applied for a position selling close-fitting riding trousers but the owner gave it to his son. Turned out to be just a jodhpur the boys.

#LunchPun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 22d

Great to see Dentist of the Year return today. Who are you rooting for? #Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 23d

The premiership footballer was annoyed when the Mothercare assistant sold him a dummy.

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 24d

Just saw two guys arguing in Chester about the smell from the river, and how they're going to fix it.

Dee odour rant?

Yeah, not sure that'll work. #Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 27d

I must say, the first half of this show by these emigrating geese has literally flown by.

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 28d

The fly managed to ruin the meal in one fella's soup.

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 29d

For some reason, listening to tracks like Night Fever and Words helped me learn the alphabet.

A Bee Gees CD?

Sounds like you could do with some help too.

#Lunchpun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · Sep 16

When I went for an interview to join the circus, they insisted we stood on six foot poles, so instead of a nice relaxing chat it turned into a stilted conversation.

#LunchPun

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Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · Sep 15

I disappeared after they gave me the worst instrument to play in the orchestra.

Bad mood, a triangle?

No, I just walked out.

#Lunchpun

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