Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 2h

"It’d take a miracle!"
"There’s always hope."
"So? There’s always taxes, too. It doesn’t make any difference."

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑳𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝑯𝒆𝒓𝒐

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 5h

That was how you got to be a power in the land, he thought. You never cared a toss about whatever anyone else thought and you were never, ever, uncertain about anything.

Guards! Guards!

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 8h

It was eight in the morning, a time when drinkers are trying either to forget who they are or remember where they live.

𝓢𝓸𝓾𝓵 𝓜𝓾𝓼𝓲𝓬

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 11h

She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do. And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death with her own umbrella.

𝘏𝘰𝘨𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 14h

"Fairly boring life, I imagine," said Rincewind.
"I wouldn't know. I've never been anything else," said the tree.

The Light Fantastic

1 1

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 17h

"Today is a good day for someone else to die!" (Dwarfish battle-cry)

𝐹𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝒞𝓁𝒶𝓎

1

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 20h

If her cottage had been any more organic it would have had a pulse.

Carpe Jugulum

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 23h

She had a number of stoutly-held views on a variety of subjects, but most of them involved the flaying alive of people she disapproved of. This meant most people under the age of thirty-five, to start with.

𝓟𝔂𝓻𝓪𝓶𝓲𝓭𝓼

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 1d

Granny Weatherwax didn't hold with looking at the future, but now she could feel the future looking at her. She didn't like its expression at all.

𝓦𝔂𝓻𝓭 𝓢𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓼

1 2

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 1d

"Oh," said Rincewind.
"You understand?" said Ponder.
"No. I was just hoping that if I didn’t say anything you’d stop trying to explain things to me."

The Last Hero

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 1d

He had little involvement with individual humans. He generally looked after lightning and thunder, so from his point of view the only purpose of humanity was to get wet or, in occasional cases, charred.

𝓘𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓣𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓼

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 1d

"There must be a hundred silver dollars in here," moaned Boggis, waving a purse. "I mean, that's not my league. That's not my class. I can't handle that sort of money. You've got to be in the Guild of Lawyers or something to steal that much."

𝒲𝓎𝓇𝒹 𝒮𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈

1 2

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 1d

It's not for nothing that advanced mathematics tends to be invented in hot countries. It's because of the morphic resonance of all the camels, who have that disdainful expression and famous curled lip as a natural result of an ability to do quadratic equations.

𝘗𝘺𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘴

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 1d

It’s always useful to be friends with any witch. I’m feeling friendly at the moment but I might not later.

Sir Terry Pratchett

1

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 1d

"We thought you were dead!" He had to admit that it wasn't a very good line. You didn't put people on a slab with candles and lilies all round them because you think they've got a bit of a headache and want a nice lie down for half an hour.

𝓡𝓮𝓪𝓹𝓮𝓻 𝓜𝓪𝓷

1 1

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 1d

As a rule, royalty doesn't read much.

Lords and Ladies

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 2d

Any man with sense was wise to be fearful of a wife’s best friends. For who knew what little secrets might be shared.

Terry Pratchett

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 2d

This one was quite likely looting towns when he should have been learning to read.

𝓦𝓲𝓽𝓬𝓱𝓮𝓼 𝓐𝓫𝓻𝓸𝓪𝓭

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 2d

It is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done. A person ignorant of the possibility of failure can be a halfbrick in the path of the bicycle of history.

𝑬𝒒𝒖𝒂𝒍 𝑹𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒔

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 2d

Fate wins. At least, so it is claimed. Whatever happens, they say afterwards, it must have been Fate.

𝘐𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘛𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 2d

Presumably Death had a bedroom, although proverbially Death never slept. Perhaps he just lay in bed reading.

Soul Music

1

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 2d

Paleontology and archaeology and other skulduggery were not subjects that interested wizards. Things are buried for a reason, they considered. There’s no point in wondering what it was. Don’t go digging things up in case they won’t let you bury them again.

The Last Continent

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 2d

"What're them fat saggy things on that shield?"
"Those are the royal hippos of Ankh," said the man proudly. "Reminders of our noble heritage."

Guards! Guards!

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 2d

It was possibly the most circumspect advance in the history of military maneuvers, right down at the bottom end of the scale that things like the Charge of the Light Brigade are at the top of.

𝓖𝓾𝓪𝓻𝓭𝓼! 𝓖𝓾𝓪𝓻𝓭𝓼!

Discworld Bot @discworldbot.bsky.social · 3d

I’m sorry, but we all have to learn that lesson. Integrity makes very poor armor.

The Fifth Elephant