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crossingstyx.bsky.social
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖔𝖓🪙💀
@crossingstyx.bsky.social
1.3K followers 370 following 1.9K posts
Feryman of the Dead 🪙 #VSky | #VTuber | #IndieVTuber |#VSona |#Vartist |💀 He/Him 🏳️‍⚧️ Trans Masc I call it like I see it https://throne.com/ferryman_charon https://ko-fi.com/crossingstyx_ https://www.twitch.tv/crossingstyx_ https://vgen.co/CrossingStyx_
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Greetings and salutations I am Charon, Ferryman of the Dead.
I seek to understand the land of the living so I can improve the conditions in the land of the Dead.
Im a transmasc disaster himbo of an artist, I make my own stuff and im either so cooked or im locked the fuck in, no middle im afraid.
asshole room mate found out I dont pay rent (theres reasons for this I wont get into) and proceeded to make it a me problem. then unprompted told me 'your not a guy, your a girl. fuck you.' and Im like....firstly couldent think of anything else? k
second
bro I dont wanna be here
Sorry about not being online, my internet hasent ben working so I went to peek and this is what greeted me
so
yea
Im not safe
My friend did a post my post thing of it considering I refuse to watch it because the showrunner is a pos who sucks asmondgolds balls.

Just hearing how they fucked up lady as a character and changed the actual plot so much is infuriating.
THIS
Like..If I wouldent play with you off stream why would I play on stream?
when they landed they made it look like a split..poor woman broke a leg and fucked their hip up but was running on pure adrenaline.
characters are built different on god
I used to work in costuming at disneyland The most on thier shit people there are the face characters..especially if their in a parade. I remember one time after I was working shows where one of them was doing gymnastics and fucking ate pavement. poped back up with a smile and finished the show
YES THIS FUCKING...
IF I HAD A PENNY FOR EVERY TIME SOMEONE MISPELLED MY BOYS NAME
EVERYTIME AUTOCORRECT MADE MY COMMIT THIS CRIME
ID HAVE 'MOVE ANYONE I WANT OUT OF THEIR SHITHOLE SITUATION' MONEY.
aint nobody in this economy able to easily pick and choose where they live. Like bro if they have move outta that hellhole money they best start sharing it before they talk shit
if you use the 'im in character/its a joke' card for shit like this..you need help.
Like its a character you dont see the people at disney whos job is to actually be a villian actin like this. (the dedication face performers there put in is staggering)
Listen I may not be big on kids but like they are literal human beings not a disease. Nobody should be treating anyone like that.

And of course they are into..*that*
Being wrong means im stupid in my head This is the direct result of literal years of conditioning
Smart is reinforced with priase, with treat
Stupid is punished with insult, with pain.

It makes me do anything I can to not be 'Stupid'
I am afraid of not knowing, not understanding.
of being stupid.
its like working so hard for something and feel accomplished you did it just for you to be wrong, to be stupid, which is a whole spiral in of itself for me(which mind you was weaponized against me as long as ive ben alive)
Black and white thinking
Smart=good
stupid=bad
Right=good
Wrong=bad
Im a very intelligent person and this is at constant odds with my ability to process and understand information. I think my information is correct.
it makes it hard for me to accept when im wrong because it takes me so long to learn in the first place.Its like I did all that for nothing.
trying to explain that I literally cant control some things is hard, I cant help it.

And people have every right to not want to be around me, I get it. It makes sense.

I just want people to know its not personal. The tantrum is frustration and sensory overload.
its like people accept just fine the cutified parts.
the hyperfixations are acceptable if your hyperfixations are digestible things like cartoon characters..comic books..stickers
When a disability shows how its disabling its too much for a lot of people.

I never asked for my brain to be born wrong
autisim gets boiled down to something simple.
My symptoms are accepted if they are on the 'good' side of the pendulum.
My emotional regulation issue is endearing if im in a positive emotion thats not being controlled well.
Its sweet big doggo energy then and not being clocked as manic
its not like that. Its so hard to find the words to explain..and trying to explain is just seen as an excuse.

Many mental disabilities have what im gonna call this tiktokification of them.

like its boiled down to consumer friendly 'quirks'
Like putting a cute filter over all of it.
in a live conversation you will not be given that time to process, you are expected to just understand and go from there.
All the techniques in the world mean nothing when you cannot use them.

Ive hurt people I care for without meaning to, ben told I did things to justify myself but-
when things dont make sense, I get upset..I get frustrated. and despite not wanting to take that frustration out on other people more often than not? it happens anyway.

I was not taught how to properly cope or handle theese things in real time. if its messages I can take my time to process-
I get easily confused, its hard for me to understand things and I often have rigid thinking, like things are organized in my head in a specific way so things that contradict that often lead to confrontation.

it is hard. and often its people around me who have to deal with the fall out...the tantrum
There always comes a moment where no matter your intention or the reasons why you say or do things it ultimately doesn't matter.
I am autistic and I have issues with self regulating intense emotions. combine that with dnd character bleed and it leads to all sorts of problems.