Author | Lightnews

Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 1d

Today is Sophie’s birthday. We invited all her friends and grilled hamburgers but no one turned up. Even her favourite cigarettes can’t cheer her up.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 16d

Miguel, I’m sorry I hit you in the head with that hammer. I don’t know why I did it. I really care about you. Please come home.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Sep 15

Took Wesley to the pond today. The little scamp was so excited, he threw up twice.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Sep 4

Biggly smashed all the stray cats in the alley, causing the rat population to grow uncontrollably. So begins our joint business venture as rat milkers.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Aug 20

Brian kept saying “I am walking over here” in an unacceptable Italian-American accent, so I cast the fungus spell on him. The fungus spell is quickly becoming one of my top 5 spells.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Aug 6

Sticky lost my rarest, most valuable toad, the elusive Rhodesian Blue Foot.

Naturally, he will be spending the next 13 months in The Circle of Torment. If you are interested in becoming my new Toad Keeper, please submit your toad portfolio below.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Jul 13

Credit to Najash on Sketchfab for the beautiful grub model base 🖤
sketchfab.com/3d-models/he...

Hercules Beetle Grub/Larvae - free download

sketchfab.com

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Jul 13

Annabelle more than doubled her milk quota. In order to prevent wastage, each of my followers may take one large sip from the communal milk through. You cannot refuse the sip.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Jul 3

Visited g-paw at the old folks home. He says the staff aren’t feeding him. Maybe if he didn’t tell so many lies, he would be in this facility in the first place. Disgusting old coot.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Jun 23

I caught Hogly doing what the youths describe as the “Fent Lean”. I don’t know what that means but I hit him with a stick anyway. I am sick of these children and their new trends.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Jun 11

I must have whipped about 9 of these things to death with my belt just this morning. They weren’t bothering me but they are probably evil because I currently do not feel any remorse.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · May 28

Today we celebrate Ashley’s Quinceanera. Celebrate immediately. Quickly.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · May 8

Blasted creature sprayed me with the poison ink. Vile little squid. Rancid little sea slug. Naturally, I am very upset

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Apr 27

Dillon has finally started to shed his mortal shell. As per tradition, his skin will be consumed by his younger siblings so that they, too, might grow strong and sprout ☺️.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Apr 17

Im doing alright! Still struggling bit but I should at least have some proper information and treatment before the end of the month ☺️

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Apr 16

Paul is becoming more silly each day. Yesterday he pulled out of our driveway in his Ford Taurus and didn’t even realise he had reversed over my infant son.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Apr 2

🚨 Hog post. Hog post. 🚨

Ether @ether321.bsky.social · Apr 1

Starting this painting of a dubious creature 😈 @crabcreatures.bsky.social

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Apr 2

I am beyond excited to see the hog unfold ❤️

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Mar 28

May god aid Boris in this mighty endeavour.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Mar 28

All jokes aside, thank you all for your support over the past few days. I can’t express how much it’s helped and I can’t thank you all enough. I hope I’m in a position to at least pay it forward soon ❤️

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Mar 28

You have all been so very kind me. To thank you all, I will be releasing Boris for 12 hours. During this time, you may each pick a child for Boris to hunt and destroy ☺️.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Mar 23

Thank you so much for the kind words. Everyone's well wishes mean the world to me and make such a huge difference in my mood and outlook. Please dont worry about donating, it's a great help but i'll find a way through it regardless❤️

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Mar 23

Thank you so much for the support and please don't worry about donating! Just the encouragement from everybody has made a huge difference in my outlook

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Mar 23

I'm keeping positive and i'll be fine eventually! everyones support has left me feeling the best I've felt in a while ❤️

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · Mar 22

Thank you very much, my friend ❤️ i'll be alright, I just need to get through a slump.

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