π‘ͺ. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́
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christinedaae.bsky.social
π‘ͺ. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́
@christinedaae.bsky.social
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γƒΌπ­π‘πž 𝐠𝐑𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐑𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐑𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 ❦ ζ—₯η±³γƒŸγƒƒγ‚―γ‚Ή ✩ mixed Japanese American β€’ modern gothic heroine songbird β™ͺ β€’ η€δ»˜γ‘εΈ«η―„βœ© kimono stylist/teacher β€’ ε·«ε₯³γ•γ‚“βœ© shrine maiden β€’ always has her head in the clouds, I’m afraid https://ko-fi.com/christine_daae
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Hello there, everyone! I’m Kristina Rin. 🀍

I’m a passionate (silly) dreamer whose soul is dedicated to art, who believes fiercely that a broken piano can still be played, and thinks even a haunted house makes a lovely home.

Oh, you want to know more about my strange little world? Read on!
and doing Taijiquan, their swords reflecting the morning light. Stepping inside a tea shop and gasping as I watched a flower’s petals unfold under hot water.οΏΌ

I wish I could disappear to China to write this part of the book. But alas, my memory will have to doοΏΌ
Wandering through the markets, bustling with energy. Biking around the old city walls of Xi’an. Learning to haggle for the first time. Being completely enamored with everyone in the park at 6 am dancing, walking backwards with pet birds in cagesοΏΌ
This entire arc is a love letter to 20 year old me who stepped off the plane for the first time in 2005 Shanghai and then left three months later majoring in Chinese philosophy

I’ll never forget climbing all those mountains, and even the Great Wall (unretouched!).
I’m finally working on the rewrite of my fantasy book series again and they’re entering a certain country for the first time and it’s making my heart ache

I MISS CHINA 😭
Maybe that day will never come. I’ll pray anyway.

But all I know is this

When I think of peace, it does not wear Trump’s face
I pray so much that we will see a better tomorrow. One where we champion for those whose voices have gone hoarse to be heard, for those whose eyes crinkle not only with decades of smiles but the weight of memory.

I pray we can all find peace, and to move away from war.οΏΌ
with only their graves remaining to remind us that they once looked at the sky with hope.

There are no perfect victims, save perhaps children. But we can still go forward together in friendship and in peace, if we listen.οΏΌ
There will be no one left but descendants like me to behold their legacy.

Peace is in understanding. It’s in dialogue, both positive and heavy. It comes in listening to those who have been harmed and those who have been silenced forever
The very first origami I ever made was of a crane. I remember being in elementary school, feeling both excitement and the weight of the past. Today, I can make one in my sleep. It is a part of my memory in more ways than one.

Someday soon, all of the hibakusha will be gone.
Whenever I go to Hiroshima, my heart is full with a legacy that I have inherited. This legacy is to champion peace and compassion, to give softness and light instead of anger and fear.

My heart aches reading such news
I wanted to take a break from talking about JP politics, but I will say one thing

As someone whose Japanese grandmother is from Hiroshima, a hibakusha, I am really devastated by the concept that PM Takaichi would nominate Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize
I knew I’d been ridiculously busy lately, but what do you MEAN it’s been THAT long since I’ve written any fiction?!
(When your paycheck is barely Β₯200,000, this is a LOT of money 😭)

At least I’ll be home and not doing much for the next couple of weeks
FINALLY heading home from the hospital. Have an appointment next week.

Thank the stars for JP health insurance. The MRI and other tests were Β₯82,000 but after it was Β₯30,000.

Unfortunately I had to pay for the orthopedic boot out of pocket. That was Β₯50,000. But they’re supposed to reimburse me
Maybe I’m not as beautiful as a fully Japanese woman. I don’t know. I don’t know if I care anymore. I just want to be myself, without apology.οΏΌ
I felt so… destroyed. This man had once written a letter by hand calling me an angel. Now I was nothing but a list of imperfections. I had ruined his life, and worse, I believed it.

After I finally left him, it would take a year and a half for me to finally be okay with my own face again.οΏΌ
It wasn’t fair, he said, that he saw all those other Western men with beautiful Japanese women and he was β€œstuck” with me

(For the record, he was from Poland)
But as he went down the incel mindset further and further, he’d compare me to the women we passed walking through Umeda or Namba in Osaka

Why wasn’t I as beautiful as they were? My hair was frizzier. My philtrum was too long. The list of criticisms seemed to get longer and longer.
but I was also reminded that to them, I wasn’t as beautiful

My ex-husband knew this. He was there when I cried after meeting Sachi for the first time (I had never met someone else mixed Japanese with green eyes before! I felt so… seen. No longer alone.)
While I looked more like my father as a child, the slider moved towards my mother as I grew up. So, I don’t β€œlook” Japanese.

A lot of Western men living in Asia would compare me- my lived experiences being mixed were useful when they needed advice for dating
One more note of vulnerability.

Something that really killed me with my ex-husband is how he compared me, a mixed Japanese woman, to full Japanese women often.
Kind of wish I could keep the cast instead but it’s not practical. My toes are exposed and it makes going outside challenging 😭
Going back to the hospital today to get the boot for my ankle.

I am… freaking out about the cost. It will be reimbursed from my insurance, but I have to pay the entire Β₯50,000 upfront. Plus, who knows how long I’ll have to wait for it to come in?
But tenderness is not a leash. It’s a sword wrapped in silk. Flowers are just as powerful as firearms in their defiance.