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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́

@christinedaae.bsky.social

2.7K followers 380 following 9.2K posts

ー𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 ❦ 日米ミックス ✩ mixed Japanese American • modern gothic heroine songbird ♪ • 着付け師範✩ kimono stylist/teacher • 巫女さん✩ shrine maiden • always has her head in the clouds, I’m afraid https://ko-fi.com/christine_daae

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · Oct 17

Hello there, everyone! I’m Kristina Rin. 🤍

I’m a passionate (silly) dreamer whose soul is dedicated to art, who believes fiercely that a broken piano can still be played, and thinks even a haunted house makes a lovely home.

Oh, you want to know more about my strange little world? Read on!

The photo is a selfie I took in cosplay of Christine Daaé from Phantom of the Opera. I am wearing a blue, intricately designed costume from the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical with lace and a large patterned bow at the collar. The cosplay features a wig with long, dark, curly hair with soft bangs framing my face.

A photo of myself taken from behind dressed in a light blue kimono with a pink lotus flowers and green leaves. In the photo, I am walking down a path with one arm raised as I look ahead. My hair is styled in a braid with a pink flower accessory, and I’m wearing a dark blue obi.

The photo was taken at a park near Tennoji Zoo in Osaka, with a wooden gate and greenery in the background.

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 2h

and doing Taijiquan, their swords reflecting the morning light. Stepping inside a tea shop and gasping as I watched a flower’s petals unfold under hot water.

I wish I could disappear to China to write this part of the book. But alas, my memory will have to do

𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 2h

Wandering through the markets, bustling with energy. Biking around the old city walls of Xi’an. Learning to haggle for the first time. Being completely enamored with everyone in the park at 6 am dancing, walking backwards with pet birds in cages

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 2h

This entire arc is a love letter to 20 year old me who stepped off the plane for the first time in 2005 Shanghai and then left three months later majoring in Chinese philosophy

I’ll never forget climbing all those mountains, and even the Great Wall (unretouched!).

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 2h

I’m finally working on the rewrite of my fantasy book series again and they’re entering a certain country for the first time and it’s making my heart ache

I MISS CHINA 😭

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 2h

Maybe that day will never come. I’ll pray anyway.

But all I know is this

When I think of peace, it does not wear Trump’s face

𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 2h

I pray so much that we will see a better tomorrow. One where we champion for those whose voices have gone hoarse to be heard, for those whose eyes crinkle not only with decades of smiles but the weight of memory.

I pray we can all find peace, and to move away from war.

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 2h

with only their graves remaining to remind us that they once looked at the sky with hope.

There are no perfect victims, save perhaps children. But we can still go forward together in friendship and in peace, if we listen.

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 2h

There will be no one left but descendants like me to behold their legacy.

Peace is in understanding. It’s in dialogue, both positive and heavy. It comes in listening to those who have been harmed and those who have been silenced forever

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 2h

The very first origami I ever made was of a crane. I remember being in elementary school, feeling both excitement and the weight of the past. Today, I can make one in my sleep. It is a part of my memory in more ways than one.

Someday soon, all of the hibakusha will be gone.

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 2h

Whenever I go to Hiroshima, my heart is full with a legacy that I have inherited. This legacy is to champion peace and compassion, to give softness and light instead of anger and fear.

My heart aches reading such news

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 2h

I wanted to take a break from talking about JP politics, but I will say one thing

As someone whose Japanese grandmother is from Hiroshima, a hibakusha, I am really devastated by the concept that PM Takaichi would nominate Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 4h

I knew I’d been ridiculously busy lately, but what do you MEAN it’s been THAT long since I’ve written any fiction?!

Screenshot from Google confirming that it’s been 67 days since August 22

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 1d

(When your paycheck is barely ¥200,000, this is a LOT of money 😭)

At least I’ll be home and not doing much for the next couple of weeks

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 1d

FINALLY heading home from the hospital. Have an appointment next week.

Thank the stars for JP health insurance. The MRI and other tests were ¥82,000 but after it was ¥30,000.

Unfortunately I had to pay for the orthopedic boot out of pocket. That was ¥50,000. But they’re supposed to reimburse me

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 1d

Behold my moon boot

My left leg in an orthopedic boot with a cream sock, a blue dress

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 1d

Maybe I’m not as beautiful as a fully Japanese woman. I don’t know. I don’t know if I care anymore. I just want to be myself, without apology.

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 1d

I felt so… destroyed. This man had once written a letter by hand calling me an angel. Now I was nothing but a list of imperfections. I had ruined his life, and worse, I believed it.

After I finally left him, it would take a year and a half for me to finally be okay with my own face again.

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 1d

It wasn’t fair, he said, that he saw all those other Western men with beautiful Japanese women and he was “stuck” with me

(For the record, he was from Poland)

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 1d

But as he went down the incel mindset further and further, he’d compare me to the women we passed walking through Umeda or Namba in Osaka

Why wasn’t I as beautiful as they were? My hair was frizzier. My philtrum was too long. The list of criticisms seemed to get longer and longer.

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 1d

but I was also reminded that to them, I wasn’t as beautiful

My ex-husband knew this. He was there when I cried after meeting Sachi for the first time (I had never met someone else mixed Japanese with green eyes before! I felt so… seen. No longer alone.)

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 1d

While I looked more like my father as a child, the slider moved towards my mother as I grew up. So, I don’t “look” Japanese.

A lot of Western men living in Asia would compare me- my lived experiences being mixed were useful when they needed advice for dating

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 1d

One more note of vulnerability.

Something that really killed me with my ex-husband is how he compared me, a mixed Japanese woman, to full Japanese women often.

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 1d

Kind of wish I could keep the cast instead but it’s not practical. My toes are exposed and it makes going outside challenging 😭

𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 1d

Going back to the hospital today to get the boot for my ankle.

I am… freaking out about the cost. It will be reimbursed from my insurance, but I have to pay the entire ¥50,000 upfront. Plus, who knows how long I’ll have to wait for it to come in?

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𝑪. 𝑫𝒂𝒂𝒆́ @christinedaae.bsky.social · 1d

But tenderness is not a leash. It’s a sword wrapped in silk. Flowers are just as powerful as firearms in their defiance.