Author | Lightnews

Ash Dylan

@ashdylan.bsky.social

1.4K followers 530 following 880 posts

writer, reader of romance | he/him

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Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · May 18

My "romance novel comes to life and eats out a reader" romance is available wide!

Get NOT LIKE OTHER ROMANCE NOVELS wherever fine books are sold.

books2read.com/u/m2jvDr

“Wait, won’t you get wet?”

“I’ll dry,” I said, my voice as rough as a first draft.

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Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 2d

That’s fair :)

Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 2d

Romance writers have been talking about the affordability crisis for YEARS. Our characters constantly find themselves with only one bed.

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Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 2d

Elizabeth,

Call me the government shutdown because I’m the longest in history.

Darcy

Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 3d

Elizabeth,

Call me Election Day because I want to fill every opening with D.

Darcy

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Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 4d

Dear CBS,

If I wanted to see an asshole on TV for 60 minutes, I’d watch the home video I made with your mom.

Darcy

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Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 5d

Elizabeth,

I don’t want to see 60 minutes of glistening orange flesh lying to my face.

I’d rather have 60 minutes of your glistening pink flesh lying on my face.

Darcy

Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 7d

Elizabeth,

You can have my Halloween candy.

I’d rather eat you.

Darcy

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Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 9d

Give a person a fish, and they eat for a day, which is what the government should do.

Teach a person to fish, and the US will probably kill them in an airstrike to distract from the Epstein files.

Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 12d

Elizabeth,

Unlike the cost of groceries, I go down.

Darcy

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Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 14d

“Tariffs suck so hard they should be called Nancy Reagan” —Ronald Reagan

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Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 14d

Elizabeth,

I would never tariff your clothes.

But I’d tear off your clothes in a Meryton minute.

Darcy

Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 15d

“What would Reagan think?” Canada panted.

“That this was wrong,” America rasped, slipping another finger inside its trading partner. “Very…” Kissing Canada’s neck. “Very…” Pressing into Canada’s core, wet as melting permafrost. “Wrong.”

America ripped off the tariffs and traded with Canada bare.

Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 16d

A real President wouldn’t destroy the White House. They’d treasure it. Savor it. Run their fingers through the untrimmed Rose Garden. Explore the West Wing, the East. Then both at the same time. Easing into the White House until it was fully occupied, thrusting and demanding, “Whose house is this?”

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Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 16d

Trump: I’m a builder. I’m the best builder.

also Trump: This building costs $100 million more than I thought. Also it’s the ugliest piss colored piece of shit you’ve ever seen in your life.

Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 16d

Elizabeth,

I will wreck that pussy like it’s the East Wing of the White House.

Darcy

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Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 17d

secret service: has anyone seen him?

unpaid construction workers: (putting the final brick in the wall of the new ballroom) nope

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Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 17d

“It’ll fit but it might wreck you” is for romance novels, not the White House

Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 17d

I want $230 million for reading that Trump wants $230 million for being investigated for crimes he obviously committed

1 5

Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 18d

Elizabeth,

Are you the Louvre? Because I’ll be in and out in 7 minutes.

Darcy

Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 19d

Elizabeth,

If the French police ask, tell them I was with you all morning. I’ll explain later.

In other news, I have something for you that will make a splash at the Meryton ball.

Darcy

4 29

Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 20d

what if a grumpy French detective had to work with a sunshine art historian to track down a missing painting and it was called FALLING IN LOUVRE

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Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 20d

what if two protesters went to a march but there was Only One Costume TM and they shared it and got intimate and fell in love FOR REAL????

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Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 22d

Elizabeth,

Call me Mitch McConnell because I’m falling for you.

Darcy

Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 22d

Elizabeth,

Are you a No Kings protest? Because I’ll do you this weekend.

Darcy

Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 23d

Elizabeth,

I have started a GoFuckMe. Want to donate?

Darcy