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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 1h

i can’t imagine the kind of troubles one must experience to end up becoming a “hat person”

“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 18h

sex AND the city? uhhh i don’t have time for both!

“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 18h

[hearing the song “freak on a leash” for the first time]

inventor of labubus: wait

“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 18h

i have a lot of hidden talents but i also have adhd so i forgot where i put them. i can’t find my keys, wallet, or my ability to juggle 🤪

“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 19h

a rat got into my apartment the other day i caught him in the kitchen trying to make dinner. these nyc rats are built different!

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 1d

kim k just released skims underwear with fake pubic hair on them. i’m sorry if you cannot grow your own bush unfortunately store-bought is NOT fine. USDA organic bush or nothing!

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 1d

people talk about how gross smokers’ lungs look but i think healthy ones look pretty nasty too. they’re literally all wet

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 1d

this dude just jacked my swag and it REALLY fucking hurt. protect your swag at all costs guys

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 1d

you salivate before throwing up because your body is so excited to taste last night’s dinner again

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 2d

sometimes i feel nervous visiting a new place because i feel like i inherently don’t belong there (i am normal nothing is wrong with me) and people’s advice is “just walk in with confidence” like…. ohhhhh. but that’s kinda what i am lacking at my very core dude

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 2d

how am i supposed to go on with my day when i had weird dreams last night? strange and vivid atrocities were committed against me last night and you want me to “commute” … i need to lay in a silk nightgown and write by candlelight for a while actually

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 3d

your honor in my defense i didn’t even want to they made me

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 4d

people who say skimpy clothes “do not leave much to the imagination” are exposing a critical skill issue. think a little harder. perhaps there are severed baby doll heads under my halter top

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 5d

i said YES!!!!!! he asked if i’ve always been like this

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 5d

i like talking about astrology, not because i’m super into it; but because i love any opportunity to steer the conversation towards being about me

“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 5d

pussy so haunting call that eerie canal

“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 5d

taking performance enhancing drugs to apply the perfect schmear of cream cheese to my bagel

“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 6d

thank you for complimenting my strawman’s argument, he stood out in the field all day coming up with it. even refused to hang out with his crow buddies he was so focused

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 7d

feeding my baby in a gamer chair since he wants to play with his food so goddamn much

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 7d

missing wherever i was before i joined this whole mess of a planet. don’t remember much about it but i get the feeling it was chill as hell

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 8d

i have a mild cold and also just got
my period and also have been out of my adderall for 3 days. my insides are entirely made of goop the moment

“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 9d

thank you Philadelphia for discovering cream cheese. it must’ve been very exciting. really put your city on the map! it wasn’t there before

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 9d

i think it should be called “creamed cheese” for the cheese has been creamed, you see

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“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 12d

it feels like swift’s new album is a test to see how bad her music can be and still sell. it sounds like someone fed her entire discography to an AI and said “now make something like these but even worse” and then just immediately released whatever it spit out without human edits

“abbey” “willis” @abbeyiguess.bsky.social · 12d

i thought it was kinda festive for halloween because you could imagine i’m seeing a ghost or a monster perhaps

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